The Delivery Girl

61. Symbolic

Callen

I carefully scoop some tea leaves into a cup and pour in the boiling water. Julie's dad gave me a giant tin of one of her favourite teas the other day. It's good for when she's down, he had told me.

I bring it out to the living room where Julie is curled into the corner of the couch, silently staring into space. The house feels unnaturally quiet after everything that happened tonight.

"Hey," I say quietly and place it onto the coffee table. I take a seat next to her and she immediately scoots over and curls up onto my lap. I reach over to grab a throw blanket and drape it over her legs before wrapping my arms around her.

"What a day," she mutters weakly, letting her head rest against my chest.

I take a deep breath and lean my cheek against the top of her head. "I'm so sorry Julie. It's all my fault you got involved in this."

She looks up at me. "Don't apologize. We're a team, remember? I'd follow you to the ends of the earth."

I know her words are meant to comfort me, but they only make the guilt feel worse. "I know, but you could've gotten seriously hurt. I don't know what I would've done with myself if something had happened to you." My throat tightens despite trying to stay calm. "I said I would protect you."

And I failed.

She was the one who had figured out the notes. She was the one who went looking for Ivan. She was the one who got Rob to back down while I stood there, bleeding and helpless.

What the fuck did I do?

"But I didn't get hurt. That's what matters, right?"

"Even so, I feel guilty," I admit. "I almost lost you, again." Losing her because of a fight is one thing. Losing her because of my company, my problems, my life is an entirely different thing.

She shakes her head. "That wasn't your fault. If today taught us anything, it's that we can't always be in control."

And that fact is terrifying to me.

I take her warm hand and look at the engagement ring on her finger. The diamond glimmers softly, catching the dim lamp's light. It makes me feel worse. "I'm worried I won't be able to give you a safe life." My thumb drags over her knuckles. "We both know how much baggage I carry."

She reaches up and rests her impossibly soft hand against my cheek. "Well I choose you anyways." She looks at me with wide, earnest eyes.

I kiss the top of her head and she nuzzles into my chest. Her warmth calms me, the steady beat of her heart helps ground me. I focus on her instead of the memories replaying in my head.

Eventually, her breathing evens out and she falls asleep. Despite how exhausted I am, I'm wide awake. Every time I close my eyes, I see Rob pointing the gun at her. I see her stepping in front of Ivan. I hear the sound of the shot.

The urge to protect Julie has grown stronger by tenfold.

–

I open the front door. "Hey Ivan." He looks exhausted, physically and emotionally. He's carrying one of the twins while the other clings to his leg. I step to the side to let them in.

"Hi Callen, thanks for having me over," he says quietly. "I really hope I'm not inconveniencing you and Julie."

I shake my head. "After what happened yesterday, we both figured you might need some company."

He gives me a grateful smile. "I honestly was a bit afraid of being alone."

We walk to the dining room where the table has already been set. Julie comes over and hugs Ivan. "How are you doing?" she asks softly.