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Five Years later Lucila Grey
There were whispers in town how Kimberly hemmings left Luke for another guy. I only moved a few towns over after I got pregnant with Kenny's daughter. We decided it was best to try to be on our own. Needless to say it didn't work and had no effect on whether we were meant to be together because it didn't last long before he left me.
I understood and there was no pressure on Kenny when I told him if he didn't want to be a father he could go. He did, my father was upset because I was having a child out of wedlock but honestly marriage scared me to say the least. The man I loved before Kenny married someone the day after trying to get me to have sex with him. It ruined my taste for love.
My dad has been very helpful with helping me around the house he does the lawn and right now he's been building our old playground from the ground up in my backyard. All I do is repay him with lemonade and he's very adamant about me naming my next child after him Antonio Grey.
I heard a knock on the door and hold it open for my father with grocery bags he places them down "come on in don't be a stranger" he shouts waving someone in. Its Luke. My heart didn't drop or beat too fast it was in perfect rhythm as if I've seen him everyday since the last time. His eyes are wide at my seven month belly. I smile down at my bump then at him "he's right don't be a stranger" I tell him nodding him in. My dad gets the groceries off the floor and places them on the counter.
"I brought some help hope you don't mind lu. He could really use the distraction and I thought you might be excited to see your first crush. You guys catch up let me get started" he tells me and I chuckle at how guliable he is and was. I mean I think we could have got away with murder. "You never said anything?" Luke questions as I make my way to my rocking chair.
"It doesn't benefit anyone in knowing" I tell him truthfully. There's no point in anyone knowing because at the end of the day we only hurt each other and no one around us with our relationship. "Can I ask you something?" He questions and I close my eyes and take a deep breath "of course you can" I tell him and he waits for me to open my eyes before countinuing "did I- did I ruin you?" He ask and I laugh. I actually laughed so hard I peed myself a little "no you didn't ruin me don't think so highly of yourself handsome" I giggle placing my hand ontop of his. I felt a little jolt. It was unfamiliar. I wonder if he felt that too.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask and the way his face twitched it looked like his answer was almost painful "yes" he says. "Did I ruin you?" I look into his eyes and something flickers. I always thought I messed something up that night before the wedding like I ruined every chance of us being together in the future or that I was the instigater. It took me a while to understand that I wasn't the problem. I always felt like I needed to give in to be compliant . I never wanted to feel that way again or make my daughter feel that way either.
"I ruined me lu. You didn't do anything wrong and I apologize if I ever made you feel that way" he tells me. He looks sad, his grey hair is peaking through but still blonde covered it mostly. I understand now that our age gap wasn't huge but it was now more noticeable. "What are you thirty Now?" He laughs "hey don't age me I'm twenty eight now lu and you are almost 22 huh?" He pokes fun and I nod my head.
"I'm your age when we met" I told him noticing that it's been 8 years of knowing him, my heart clings to what could have been. "You're really glowing Lucila" he tells me and I blush. I don't feel glowing. I'm nauseous, I haven't showered yet, I feel bloated even though I'm pregnant and I'm swollen. "Don't even deny it Lucila you never saw yourself the way I saw you" he takes my hand and kisses it.
"I'm sorry for everything Lucila" he tells me and I see the honest looking his eye. "I'm going to help your father set up the jungle gym. Have you thought of her name?" He questions and I shrug my shoulders. As crazy as it is I never really thought of a name I felt like teasing him with 'Lolita' to make him shake a bit but I didn't think it would be right. We haven't seen each other in years.
"What about your moms?" He questions and I smile. "Lilith? You think so?" I smile and he shakes his head yes. "I think that's a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl and her beautiful mama. Now let me get going to help your dad" he kisses my forehead.
•••
Luke decided not to drive home with my father. They drank a couple of beers as they built the play ground and fell fast asleep on my couch in no time. I told my father it was fine and I can drive him home tomorrow. I lay a blanket on top of him and squeeze a pillow from my bed under his head. I brush his long hair out of his face and grow mesmerized by how long his beard has grown. He was always clean shaved.
His hand gently came on top of mine stirring me out of my trance, his eyes flicker up and I forget how blue his eyes were. "Hey I'm sorry" he sits up rubbing his eyes. "What time is it? Where's your father?" He's frantic but I place my hand gently on his. "It's okay he went home. I'll drive you in the morning get some rest" I tell him and he smiles softly.
"I hate to be a bother especially after everything lu" he stands up and starts folding the blanket. "Please stay" I tell him. This is more for my case. The house is lonely and creaks. I have been alone for a few months now. It's nice when my father comes around and drinks a few so that he passes out and rest on my couch through the night.
"I'm alone" I tell him and he turns around so we are face to face. "You're not alone" he tells me and I go into his open arms resting my face against his chest. His arms close around me and I allow myself to cry. I haven't been able to really allow myself to experience a breakdown.
I didn't want to be a disappointment or hear I told you so by my father. It's hard doing this alone and I didn't want to be alone. "Lu it's okay" he says rubbing my back. I knew he was right. "I'm just scared of this house of being alone in it and raising this baby alone" I tell him. I sit on the couch hyperventilating.
He comes running back with a water handing it to me. He sits between my legs handing me the water. "Just drink. Focus on the drinking" his words were reassuring. I drank the water taking small sips.
He watches me with a type of fixation look "you okay?" He questions. I put the cup down next to me. "Yes thank you" I tell him sincerely, I scoot over trying to encourage him to sit next to me. He complies. We sit there in silence for a while just staring at the wall. It's not creepy or worrisome but definitely quiet.
"I'm going to head to bed" I tell him rocking myself back and forth to get up. I can't sit and stare into oblivion. He gets up and gives me his hands so he can help me up. My belly bounces off of him making us giggle. "Im sorry" I tell him still chuckling at the fact it nearly knocked him on his ass.
"No apology necessary" he tells me and I realize or hands are still connected his thumbs is rubbing my palm. "Thank you Luke" I tell him separating our hands. "I don't think I could thank you enough Lucila. I will always love you." He tells me and just like that I leave him to go into my bedroom and he makes himself comfortable on my couch.
