You never noticed

Hopeless

They said that first love never dies. And I was like 'oh, really? Why's that my first love died in a car accident? Does that have to do with me?' Scratch that. That was my hatest quotation ever. First love my ass. Second love? Third love? Fourth? Are you kidding me? Well, I was never kidded.

My childhood was worst. I mean, I was scrolling one time in my facebook's newsfeed when my eyes caught a 'memes' they say, that my childhood memories are worst without knowing barbie, cinderella, ariel, and i forgot the other names. I was wondering, I didn't even know barbie, or even that cinderella, and almost of my classmates are even talking about them when I was in my primary years. I was never a fan of fairytales; cause I believed that they were just giving us or me false hope about that 'happily ever after'.

When I reached my high school years, I met this guy Louis. A typical average guy. You know, a jerk but a nerd. Not so popular. Sometimes bipolar; I find him cute and funny cause he always makes me smile and laughed. So, there's this time that we heart to heart talk; I mean real talk. He was serious when we start to talked. I was amused how he talked about his problems and still he believed about this happily ever after. I knew he was suffering a struggle that time. He just didn't say the point why is it he's expressing his hard feelings to me. Si, because of the moving I was feeling. I decided to watched the fairytales that they were talking about. I watched cinderella, barbies, ariels, beauty and the beast and others. It was cliche, but good. The ending was satisfying. At least in the fairytale, there are happily ever after. In real life? Nah.

Well, the day after that night, Louis called me in the midnight. He says that he cannot take anymore the pain. I didn't say anything nor I didn't move. There were silence and after a minute I heard a strong screech and breaking glasses at the line; I did so many yells to louis but he didn't say anything until the line went dead.

Hopeless right? Very hopeless. Louis was hopeless. He didn't even think that I was worried, he didn't even think that I care. He just gave up. He just gave in.

Just like now. I feel so hopeless. You know the feeling that how many times that you did the effort but still he didn't see it? He didn't care? What am I? A woman in white? a ghost? I don't deserve this treatment. But who am I right? Im just a typical average senior student who had a crush on Vin.

He didn't care. But I never be like louis. I should never give up. I should never give in.