You never noticed

I never noticed

When you think of the word 'sorry' what comes in to your mind? What comes to your thought? What comes into your heart? Is sorry a valid word to say something to the person that you hurt? Of course it is. Of course it is valid. It is valid cause 'sorry' is the right term to say the regrets that you had done. All you need is to say sorry.

I heaved a sigh after I have read the girl's diary. I know that it is not right to read someone's privacy but you can't blame me. You can't fucking blame me. You can't blame me to read since I accidentally saw my name written in her specific entry. It's not my intention to read it, but curiosity kills me. So, I decided to read once. And 'once' became 'twice' and 'twice' became 'thrice' and 'thrice' became 'fourth' and so on and so forth until I reached her last entry.

It was full of sadness. It was full of bitterness. It was full of awful experiences, and most of all, it was all because of me. She was suffering because of me. She was suffering painfully because of me and I didn't fucking noticed it. I didn't know. I didn't even know.

I remembered her when she was introduced to me by Dean. I saw her green eyes lingered to mine that brought me shivers down to my spine. I looked away back then because I had a girlfriend that I thought was mine.

When Arossa and I broke up. My life was a messed. I was hurt. I was devastated. I was betrayed. I was falling. My point of view of being a committed was destroyed the moment when I saw Dean and Arossa sucked lips. And Until now, until fucking now, that believed was still there. Until now, I'm still hurting. The hurt was still there and I don't know if I can even love again for the meantime. Call me coward, but it's true. I'm freaking scared to fall again.

If only I had noticed you. If only I had fucking noticed you. You would never feel left behind. If I had noticed you earlier; we would have been happy right now. Fate is really something. Fate is freaking something.

I want to fucking love you back, but I just can't. I want to love you back but my heart is suffering for the meantime. Can you wait? Can you atleast give me time again? Can you love me again? Can you not let go of me? Can you hold on again for me?

I know you won't. cause you said that you need to let go. You suffered enough to make you wait again. Your love for me was enough, but the time for us went wrong. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for not loving you back. I'm sorry that I didn't noticed you. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I'm freaking sorry for everything; Agatha.

I never noticed Agatha. You're right. I never did noticed you. Even a single tip of your soul, I didn't.

But don't worry. By the time I'm healed. I'll make sure that I'll be the one to wait for you. I'll wait for you to love me just like what you did. I'll wait for you even if it takes forever. I'll wait for you, even if it takes miles before you fall. And by that time; I'll make sure that I'm ready to catch you.

End of Part 1.