Through The Dark

Okay

I feel the bed shake and open my eyes. "Niall?" No response. I turn over and see him sitting on the edge of the bed. "You okay, Ni?" I roll closer to him and he stands up, walking to the bathroom.

"No...don't worry about it." He shuts the door and I hear the lock click. I stand up and wrap the blanket around my bare body. "Go back to bed." He says just as I walk up to the door.

"Niall, talk to me please." I knock on the door. The sink runs on the other side of the door and I can hear him splashing the water around. He doesn't respond to me and I give up. "Fine." I walk back to the bed and fall into it. Minutes later, he comes out. His face is wet and he flops down next to me. "Are you gonna talk to me...?" There's still no responds. Niall's always been very open with me. "Is this about the baby?" I ask and roll over, facing him.

"Yeah..." He finally says something. "I'm so not ready." He mumbles. "I don't want this anymore. I never wanted this. What were we thinking....?" I feel the tears in my eyes and close them tightly.

"Ni...there's no turning back now." I pull myself closer to him. "What happened? You were so excited yesterday. What changed?" He rolls over onto his back and looks up at the ceiling.

"I had a dream. We had a baby and it ruined everything. Then we had another and another and another. Everything was awful. I don't think I can handle that. I'll be a horrible father. I'll never be around. This was a horrible idea." He covers his eyes.

"Niall...we're having this baby. It's not going to ruin anything. We have a whole eight more months to prepare for him or her. You won't be an awful dad. You'll be amazing... I saw you with Charlie tonight..." I grab his hand in mine.

"Yeah, but those babies I can just hand off to their mothers if they start crying. I can't do that with my own child when he cries." I squeeze his hand a little tighter.

"You can still hand it off to me." I chuckle, causing him to smile.

"And what if he hates me. I'll be gone so much..." I shake my head and roll over him to straddle his waist.

"Listen kid. Our baby is not going to hate you. We're going to be it's first love and it'll be okay." I lean down, kissing his nose.

"This house isn't big enough for a baby. And I'm sure as hell not giving up my music room." He closes his eyes.

"We'll have to move." I say, afraid of his reaction. This has been his home since he was 18. I knew he wouldn't be okay with it.

"No no no...I don't want to move. I love it here." He pulls his arms away from me.

"I know, but we can find another home. Maybe closer to Harry or something. We can still live around here love. Maybe out in the country where our kids can run. I saw a house for sale not to far from theirs. I think I like it a lot." I put my hands on either side of his face.

"I'll think about it..." He whispers. "I'm scared Sammie." I wipe his eyes and lay my head on his chest. I don't say anything for a minute and just listen to him breathe. His chest rises and falls and I find his hand again. I find so much comfort in just being with him.

"I'm scared too Nialls." I rub up his arm and he squeezes me tight. I hear him sniffle as my tears fall onto his chest. "It'll be fine Niall. It won't be perfect, but it'll be okay." He rubs my back as we lay in silence.

"I love you, Mrs." He kisses the top of my head. "One thing though..." He starts and I sit up to look him in the eyes.

"Yes?" I say and run my hands through his hair,.

"Can you stop calling him an it...?" He looks away. "It bugs me..."

"Well, we don't know what we're having yet..." I answer. "But yeah, our baby."

"He...is our baby." He says and I roll off of him.

"Do you really think it's a boy?" I readjust myself, laying my head in the crook of his arm. I lay my other hand on my stomach rub up and down. "I don't know what I think... Maybe a girl. Maybe a boy...I don't know."

"I think he's a he." He rubs my stomach as well. "I hope we aren't shit parents." He mumbles and closes his eyes. "One more question..." He says and begins to play with my hair.

"Yeah?" I close my eyes as I grow tired again.

"When did you find out we were having him?"

"When you and Harry went to Florida to golf for a week. I had a feeling. My period was a week later and I hadn't felt good for a few weeks. I thought it was just the chicken that I ate with Madi, but when I called her she said she was fine. So I ordered some pregnancy tests off the internet and got overnight shipping. I didn't want to go out and buy them because I didn't want the rumors and you finding out that way... Anyways..." I stop and yawn. "I took one in the morning. Two blue lines. I took another one, two more blue lines. And a third, with the same blue lines. I cried for the rest of the day... I wasn't ready for it either Ni."

"Why didn't you call?" He asks and I shrug.

"I wanted to tell you in person. I still have the tests..." I mumble and roll over to my side table. "I don't know why I kept them. I guess I was just expecting them to change and I wouldn't be pregnant." I dig through the top drawer. I struggle to find them in the dark. "Here..." I pull them out and take off the hair band that kept them together. He takes them and looks them up and down by the dim light of our nightlight.

"Yup, that's two lines.." He says and grins.

"Did you not believe me before?" I giggle and lay back, placing them in the drawer again.

"I guess I had to see for myself." I cuddle back into his chest. "I think you need to get to sleep and grow our baby." He leans over and kisses my head. "I love both of you...Good night."