Through The Dark

Radiant

Harry stops in front of me, right in the doorway. I don't pressure him forward, just slip past him. As I walk closer, Zayn's features come into view. The dim lamp shines on his face and I stop, just a few feet away. That wasn't him. He looked radiant, with maybe a slight smirk on his pale pink lips. But it just wasn't him. It wasn't like anyone ever told me. He didn't look like he was 'just sleeping'. The realization had set in that he was gone. However to me the body was nothing, it was merely the vessel that his mind had lived in. I finally step up closer to him and touch him. It just felt like skin, but there was no electricity. No spark. His tattoo peeks out from his sleeve and I trace it with my index finger. It was still unbelievable to me. Zayn, at only 28, was lying in front of me in a casket. I turn to Harry, as he finally steps into the room. I put my hand out for him and he steps closer. "He looks so good..." I run my hands down Zayn's arm. "Don't you think?" Harry shakes his head and I look up.

"This isn't Zayn..." He mumbles.

"I know...he looks different..." I agree and he shakes his head again.

"No, this isn't him. This can't be him..." Tears run down his face.  I rub his back and he steps up next to the casket. "He wouldn't do this to us..." It's completely quiet for a minute before he drops to his knees, crying harder. "It's not fair!  Why did he fucking do it?! Why didn't he call us?! Why didn't he come stay with us!?" I rub his back and kneel down to his level. "What about Mason? And Meredith?! This is bullshit!" He stands up, sobbing, and throws his hat across the room. "He didn't have to fucking die!" I grab his arm and he yanks it away. "Don't touch me!" He screams and looks over at Zayn. I back away from him. "Why'd you fucking do it?! Were we not enough for you?! What about your kids?! They have no one!" He collapses over Zayn's body.

"Can someone grab Madi?" I look out the door to the women that brought us in here. She nods and peeks her head in the other door. Madi walks out slowly and stops before the door. All I can hear right now is Harry's sobbing from across the room. "We should get him out of here..." I whisper. She walks past me,  up to harry and places a soft hand on his back. This was harder than I ever imagined. Not just losing Zayn, but watching Harry lose himself. After a few more minutes, he turns around and wraps Madi up in his arms. He sobs into her neck and turns back to look at Zayn.

"I'm so sorry...." He mumbles. "Bye Zayn..." He turns away and they both walk right past me without saying a word. I step up to Zayn for the last time.

I lean against the casket and look down, running my hand over his arm"Mr Malik....Bradford Bad boy...I'll miss you... Thanks for being a part of the best years of my life.... I'll never forget you... I love you...See you on the other side..." I walk towards the door, turning back one last time. "Bye Zayn..." I turn back and walk out. Sam is waiting for me on the other side of the door. "That's it...He's actually gone..." I hug her and kiss Olivia on the cheek. We sit on the bench and she wipes my face. Slowly, everyone goes into see him. They all get a chance to say goodbye, one by one. Once everyone's been in I stand up to leave, but stop at the open door one more time. "Just a second..."I say and the three of them follow me in. Liam pulls the four of us into a group hug, in the middle of the dim room. "I love you, boys." I say and they each respond. Then we say our final goodbyes, all four of us. I look around the room, at the five of us here, so much has changed in the last ten years. And here we stand bidding farewell to our best friend.

We all leave the room and step out to the brightly lit hall. No one says anything else and we walk to the front exit. Liam's to the door first when he suddenly stops. "For fucks sake..." He mumbles. "It got out. Paps are here." I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. He opens the door and I pull Sam closer to me. She gives me a concerned look once we get outside. The amount of people, not just paparazzi but fans, was overwhelming. They recorded every move we attempted to make as we pushed through the crowd. Harry pulls his sunglasses down and huffs. He is always nice to the people that wait outside but I can tell his patience was growing thing again. "C'mon, give us some space please." Liam asks and excuses himself through the people. Sam is pushed into and and I press my hand to the small of her back, shooting glares back to the paps. I have recorders and cameras shoved in my face and push them away.

"Don't touch her, please." Sam says and I turn to her. She's pushing the arms away from all the the fans and paps as they reach for Olivia. I bite my lip and pull her through the crowd.

"Can't you leave us the fuck alone?" I hear harry growl in front of us. Suddenly it seems like everyone got closer, louder, and ruder. "God, you're impossible." He growls again as we reach the truck. Olivia begins to cry as a pap grabs the bow in her hair.

"Don't you have any fucking boundaries?!" I yell and pull Sam in front of me. I buckle Olivia into her car seat and get in, but not before cursing them out again.