Through The Dark

Self Inflicted

I pull myself out of bed slowly, not wanting this day to even begin. Of course, Sam and Olive were already up and Olive was getting a bath in the sink. "Good morning, beautiful." I kiss Sams cheek as I come around her. "And good morning Olive." I kiss her little, wet cheeks. "Sleep good?" I ask.

"As good as I ever sleep in a hotel." She replies, pulling Olive out of the soapy water. "Go to daddy." She wraps her up in a blanket and hands her to me. Just then, there are three quiet knocks at the front door.

"Madi." I say. "I got it." I take Olivia to the door with me. "Good morning Madi," I let her in and she goes directly to the couch. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just second guessing taking Harry to the crematorium with us today. I don't know how he'll react to seeing Zayn like that." She looks down at him. I was seconding myself as well. Did I really want the last image of my best friend to be in a casket. "It's not going to be pleasant for any of us anyway."

"He needs some closure. I think it will be good for him." I sit down next her. "As do all of us." I hand her a tissue just as a tear falls from her face. "Was he okay last night?" She shakes her head.

"He cried himself to sleep. This is so hard..." She leans against me. "I try to be strong for him. I'm just...I...I don't know how he's going to react and I might need your help when we get there." She looks up. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Madi...I'll go in with him too, he'll be okay." I rub her back and stand up. "Is he ready to go yet? How are we supposed to dress for this?" I question. "I brought my nice outfit from my show, would that be okay?"

"I'd assume so. Harry is wearing something more formal, too." She stands up and pulls herself together a little. "The words probably going to get out today. The fans picked up that we're all together again... In Seattle for that matter. As soon as that car pulls up to the crematorium they're going to figure it out. They're already suspicious. Some dumbass update account got #WheresZayn trending last night on twitter." Sam comes up and takes Olivia from my arms to get her dressed for the day. "I'm sorry...I'm just scared, Niall." I hug her. "What if the paps show up...Harry isn't ready for that... He won't be okay."

"It'll be okay..." It was all I can say. Did I believe it? No. I was unsure of everything in the next twenty four hours. I was too busy worrying about the rest of them to reassure myself. "We'll be fine." I follow her to her door, waiting for her to unlock it. As soon as she does, Harry walks out of the bathroom.

"Does this look okay?" He asks and pulls the dark blazer over his shoulders.

"He's not going to care what you're wearing Harold." Louis says from the other room, instantly causing Harry's face to go sour. I look over at Louis, who stands in front of the mirror in a suit. "Don't you think we're over dressing a little?"

"It's a professional setting, Tomlinson. We can't just show up in our briefs." Harry rolls his eyes and places a hat on his head. He looked a little better than he did last night. Still tired, but I think he showered. His hair wasn't as gross.

"Who's going to judge us?! Zayn!?" Louis snaps back. I bite my lip and look down at Madi.

"They've been like this all morning." She whispers.

"Can't you stop being such a prick?!" Harry replies, just as temperamental as Louis. I come over to Louis. "Niall, go get dressed." Harry snaps at me.

"I'm sorry..." Madi mouths and I shrug. It wasn't the first time I was yelled at by Harry. I walk back over to my room, where Sam is already dressed.

"Harry is a little....bitchy...this morning." I say as soon I shut the door. It was a totally different Harry than last night. He was all calm and sulky last night. It wasn't unlike him to be like this when he didn't get any sleep, beside the fact he hasn't eaten in a few days. "Just to warn you..." She hands me my suit. I slowly get myself dressed and walk out to the kitchen. Liam is fixing himself a bagel that was in our mini fridge. "This place has food?" I ask and he nods. He tucks a napkin into his neckline and takes a bite, keeping crumbs off his suit.

"Can we get this over with..." He mutters and walks over to the mirror. I sit on the couch until Sam comes out in a flowing, black dress. "Ready to go?" Liam stands up.

"I guess..." I sigh and follow them to the door. Sam goes to knock on Harry's door just as Madi swings it open.

"Louis ride with Niall and Sam. Harry and Liam will ride with me." Madi steps out. It was obviously still very tense over there. "Listen boys, we need to knock this off." She says when Harry shoots another rude look at Louis. We finally get down to the main lobby, after an excruciatingly long elevator ride. "Go get in the car." She hands Harry the keys and comes back up to me. "I'm not ready for this...." She sighs.

"Me either..." I return and unlock the door for Sam. She buckles Olivia up in her carseat and crawls in the drivers side. I get in the back, next to Olivia, letting Louis have the front.

The ride is slow and quiet. We finally pull up to the tall, brick building and no one moves. We sit in the car for a good five minutes before Louis even unbuckles his seatbelt. "I guess.." He sighs and opens the door. Once he does that, Madi gets out of the car and we all gather in the parking lot, not minding the rain. I make the first move towards the building and everyone followed. Once through the doors, we were greeted by a short lady in a skirt suit. She smiles and extends her hand to each one of us.

"We'd like to talk to you before you go in the quiet room." She says and leads us back to what looked like a conference room. "My husband will be in here in a minute. He is the county coroner." Despite the lady's profession, she was actually a very comforting, happy woman. She made this whole ordeal less scary. We sit in the still room, no one saying a thing, for minutes before the door finally opens.

"Hello there, my name is Matthew James and I've done the investigation on Mr Malik here. Anyone that is uncomfortable discussing the details can wait out on the couch in the lobby." I look around the room and no one moves. "Well, I shall begin now I guess. Mr Malik's body was found at 5: 24 PM by Miss Katie Zick, his house keeper and nanny. Time of death is approximately 4:40 PM." He reads off of a long sheet of paper. "Cause of death- self inflicted."

"How..." Louis speaks up from across the table.

"I've concluded that Mr. Malik used heroin injection." He answers and we just look around the table. "I've also concluded this was a first time thing and well planned out. No former traces of the drug were found in Mr Malik's system."

"How...fast or painful...would that be?" Harry speaks next.

"Not painful at all. Heroin makes someone calm and a little bit sleepy, but taking too much just shuts down your respiratory. Basically, he fell asleep and his body forgot how to breathe." He talks and everyone nods, but no one says anything else. Harry rests his head on the table. Madi rubs his back. Liam just looks down at his hands. Louis stares forward letting a single tear fall down his face. Sam holds Olivia against her with one hand and squeezes my knee with the other. But no one speaks. Theres a few more minutes of silence before the man speaks again. "Any more questions?" No one responds and he stands up. "Alright, Candace will be with you in a moment." He excuses him out of the room. I let a few tears fall before I wipe my face.

"I'm ready to take whoever is ready to go see Mr Malik now." She steps in the door. No one moves. Harry suddenly stands up, which takes everyone by surprise. I stand up and follow him out of the room. She sticks a key in the door and slowly opens it to reveal a dimly lit room. I look past the her to the casket when I see him.