Through The Dark

Please

3 Weeks Later

     I open my eyes just as Sam crawls back into bed. It was the first night in almost two months that I've spent in my bed. I pull her against me and bury my head in her neck. I am so glad to be home. I'm so glad to be holding her. I'm so glad we have Olivia. I press a soft kiss on her collar bone and smile. "Good morning, Sammy." I say, then press my lips to hers before she can respond. I roll over and straddle her hips, placing my hands on her stomach.

     The morning sun peaks through the curtains and lights up Sam's face, making every inch glow. She was effortlessly beautiful. Her eyes sparkle as they look through me without fear as if they already knew what they were to find. She was the girl I was afraid of disappointing. I felt that if I let her down, she would fall apart.

      I run my fingers up her shirt, then pull on the hem. She bites her lip and I can feel myself grow harder against her waist. I want her just as she is right now. It's been months. Almost four months to be exact. I lean down and kiss up her neck. "I love you...dammit Samantha..." I dig my fingers into her hips. "You're going to kill me one of these days." I pull my tee shirt off and throw it across the room. I lick my finger and slip it into her panties. Soon, she closes her eyes and her mouth drops open.

      "S-Shit...Niall." She mumbles as she runs her nails down my back. I slip out of my boxers and begin to push into her.

         Then the gate buzzes.

         "For fucks sake..." I growl and ignore it. "Forget it, babe..." I continue what I was doing. She doesn't seem to forget about it and squirms under my grip. "C'mon love..." I pull out of her as the gate rings again.

      "It's probably important." She sits up and looks out the window. "Are you expecting someone...? Black car?" She asks and slips on my flannel and pulls up a pair of pajama shorts.

       I lay back on my bed, pulling my hands through my hair in frustration. "No....please don't worry about it. I haven't been able to please you in months. If it's that important, they'll call or come back." I beg her to come to me. The gate buzzes once more and Sam runs down the steps. "It's probably just fans!" I yell close my eyes.

       "Niall! Come down here please!" Sam yells and I jump up. Of course, I go to worst case scenario. There's obviously a murderer in my home. I pull up my sweats and skip steps on the way down. I'm  met in the kitchen by Sam and a women in a business suit. 

      "What is this? Are we being audited or something?"  I ask and start a pot of tea.

       "This is the child protective services." Sam says and steps closer to me.

       "Why...? Is it because we took Olivia to the shows? She wore headphones every time. She was always in her carseat when we were driving! She slept in her play pen at night at the hotel and we locked all the locks so no one could come in!" I start to panic and look over to the baby monitor. "Look! She's asleep in her crib! She has no blankets in the her crib or anything!"

      "Niall, it's not that." She hands me a stack of papers, stapled in the corner. "Read this." She points to the bottom paragraph.

I read the paper over several times. Each time, not believing what it says.

'I appoint as guardian of the person and property of my minor children- Niall and Samantha Horan. they shall have custody of my minor children, and shall serve without bond. If they do not qualify or for any reason cease to serve as guardians, I appoint as successor guardian, my mother- Trisha Malik.'

"We get his kids?" I ask and the lady nods. "Why did this take so long to come through?" I look back down at the will again.

'I appoint as guardian of the person and property of my minor children- Niall and Samantha Horan.'

It still doesn't go away. It still doesn't change. We're still getting his children.

I look up at Sam and she has tears in her eyes. "What are we going to do?" She mouths. I just shake my head.

"You have some time to think. They're still under Katie Zick's supervision at the pent house in Seattle." She says and starts to gather her things. "You can call me at this number. It's my office number." She hands me a business card. "Just leave your name and your choice and I'll be getting back to you as soon as possible." She shakes my hand and walks out the door.

Sam presses her head against my chest. "I'm scared Niall..." She mumbles. "What if we fuck these kids up?"

"They lost both parents already. We'll be fine. We don't have to take them." I respond and move us both to the couch.

"We're taking them. That's what he wanted. That's what would make him happy." She wipes her eyes. "I think you should read your letter." Sam says and stands up. She digs through the pile of papers and hands over the envelope addressed to me. I slip my finger into the top and rip it open.

Niall-

What can I say? I figured I should make this a bit short.

First of all, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for putting you, and everyone else, through this. I couldn't do this anymore. I need to be with her, Niall. I'm sure you'd understand if you ever, God forbid,  lose Samantha.

Second of all, thank you. Thank you for always accepting me as I came. Thank you for talking with me at 2 AM on the deck. And, thank you, if you choose to, taking care of my children. They need someone like you. Someone that can have fun with them. They need a solid family. A mother and a father. It's your choice if you let Meredith know what has happened, when she's old enough to just begin to understand. They can call you two 'Mom and Dad' if you want. I just want them to have a solid family. Thank you for that.

I do owe you an explanation though. I didn't choose my mother as primary guardian just for one simple fact. I wanted her to be a grandma. I didn't want her to stress out over making life choices for children all over again. I just wanted her to be a grandmother.

Finally, please hold on to Sam. Your true love is the best thing that will happen to you. She's good for you. You're good for her. Cherish her. Love her. Keep her close and don't let her feel unloved.

Remember me how I was when we first met, not how I was the month before I left. Please.

Zayn.

I look back up at Sam and wipe my face. There are things I wanted to say to him. I want to experience with him. I just want him to be here and happy, but I can't have both.