Don't Fall In Love!

Chapter 51: Sore

Guys, I'm just gonna warn you, k? This is not an easy chapter, it includes self harming and I don't want any of you to get emotionally hurt, you can skip this if you want.

Lots and lots of love, x

~

I loved my life, it was beautiful, and I'm thankful I was given the opportunity to see the world and experience it personally. The feeling was unlike any other, it was great, but everything comes to an end.

I have decided that it was already too much for me, the odds were too against my favor that it was hurting me beyond limit, beyond rules, I think. But the pain, I feel like it was the biggest life problem that the human history has ever encountered. Though yes, it sounds so foolish considering homeless people and sick children living with tougher lives, but at the moment, I felt so weak that I literally gave up. I don't think I can survive this slaughter house anymore.

Happiness, kindness and love, it's all just an illusion created by the world. It makes you believe that you're safe, but in reality, once you've entirely gave up your doubts and believed that fantasy, you just got caught and everything was a trap, a set up and you took the bait. Your life becomes miserable, the universe plays in you and make you suffer in its favorite torture room, its own personal playground for pitiful souls. Where some innocent souls have gave up and shed their last tear, taking one last breath.

And I was there, I am already at the last stage. The only thing holding me from falling off the cliff is my conscience. I imagined my family's faces, long and sad. Crying because of me. Now one thing I hate the most is to make my family cry, I want to make them happy. I'd rather have them not remembering me, because if they're going to remember me with tears, then it would be best forgetting me.

I sighed, I curled my fists tightly like a ball, I've been walking back and fort in the bedroom. It was already past midnight, the time when my mind gets deadly serious.

I took my jacket and wandered off outside,

It was cold, dark and quiet. There were few cars passing by, and the sound of crickets almost soothed my mind. Almost.

I went outside the park, the same old park where we used to play tag, where we used to shoot and wet each other with water pistols together with our friends, where the magic began, where the flame had sparked, where my troubles started.

Recalling the memories, it had been a painful journey to the memory lane. My tears started flowing down, and I was there, weeping alone in the cold midnight breeze. I wrapped my arms around my body tight everytime the wind blows stronger, it was ridiculously freezing, but it was not my number one concern at the moment.

I wanted to talk to my family, Vars and Nicole before I end this tragic story, but it would be one way of trying to make my plan foil. They'd come and find me, stop me and tell me everything's going to be fine even without assurance. But, I would find it pretty unfair to their side, so I called Vars, since his house was the farthest and he wouldn't make it in time if he comes after me.

"Hello?... erm Hello! Rachael..." Vars sounded so happy. "What's-what's up? is everything fine?"

I tried my best to hide my sobs, "Uh... y-yeah, well, maybe."

Vars cleared his throat, "Why are you still up? you okay? everything good? want me to come there because I-"

"No, no, no... I... I'm really fine, just tired I guess."

Vars sighed. "I insist, wanna make sure you're okay." He sounded so sincere, so kind and it hurts, it was like I've heard the kind of sympathy before. I doubt if he really cares for me, or if anyone actually cares about me, because I could just disappear without anyone giving a damn.