1.4

2.4K 148 72

by Hakuna

by Hakuna

{Calum}.

It was getting late now and both Luke and myself were close to falling asleep. I hadn't seen Delilah in a while and I couldn't help but worry about her, thinking about all that must be on her mind.

With everything going on at the moment, it was hard for me to stop and think about everyone else around me, and it got to the point where I didn't even realise how much this was effecting my family.

Of course I knew this was hard for him, but I never thought about what they went through when they were waiting for me and how they felt when they were told that I might not wake up. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let my anger take over me?

"Do you know where Delilah is?" I asked Luke, hoping that he knew.

He sat up in his seat, rubbing his eyes free of sleep and stretching his legs out in front of him. He mumbled a few incoherent words before standing up, now changing to stretch his arms.

"I think she's out in the hall." He told me, a trace of uncertainty lingering in his voice.

"Do you mind.." I struggled with my words again, becoming frustrated with myself in a matter of seconds.

"It ok." Luke soothed me, not pressuring me into hurrying.

"Do you mind b-bringing her in here?" I stuttered, glad that Luke didn't seem confused by my request. "I know she might be asleep, but I don't want her out there all night."

He nodded in response, smiling at me as he quietly made his way into the hallway. I moved over on my bed, making room and trying to get myself comfortable.

Not long after, Luke entered the room, a sleeping Delilah in his arms. He moved over to the chair near my bedside and I spoke up, stopping him from setting Delilah down on the seat.

"Here." I said. "I want her to sleep here with me." His features softened as a tired smile met his lips. He walked over to me, carefully resting Delilah down onto the small hospital bed next to me, helping me to move the blanket over her.

Unconsciously, she moved closer to me, her head falling onto my shoulder as her arm slung itself over my stomach.

Luke whispered a faint "Night guys" to us as he quietly left the room, saying he'd be back in the morning.

My weak hand slowly moved up and down her arm, tracing patterns on her delicate skin, and for a while it felt like nothing had ever changed. It felt like we were back in our bed and we were home again, but we weren't and I couldn't pretend anymore that things were ok.

I could feel the difference as she rested next to me, her body feeling noticeably skinner and I could tell that she hadn't been looking after herself. I tried to empathise with her, to tell myself that with all that's happening it was invertible that she wouldn't always be able to hold herself together, but I was just so crushed by the fact that she forgot she mattered too.

Delilah was sleeping soundly and deeply for the first time in ages and I didn't want to do anything to disturb her, so I let her be even as her legs tangles between my bruised and scarred ones.

{Delilah}.

I woke up feeling warm and well rested for the first time in a while. I moved to stretch, only then realising that I was laying beside Calum on his cramped hospital bed.

His head was nuzzled close to me and his hand was holding onto my arm as it laid wrapped around his torso. I let out a deep breath, sitting myself upright and running a hand through my hair. I leaned over, attempting to swing my feet over the side of the bed, but Calum grabbed onto my wrist stopping me from leaving.

"Stay." He mumbled out with eyes closed, his morning voice croaky and dry, reminding me of all the mornings he would pull me back into bed, refusing to let me go anywhere.

I stayed silent, staring at the floor under me as I tried to think of what to do. I wanted to stay. I've wanted to lie down with him and just hold him in my arms for the past five weeks, but I don't know if I can. Everything just feels too much for at the moment and all I want is to not be able to think, and to not be able to feel. Surely that's not too much to ask for.

I tried to pull free from his hold, but his grip on my wrist only tightened, surprising me with how much strength he had.

"Calum, please. I need to go."

"I don't want you to leave."

"But I need to."

I sighed deeply, dropping my head down in exhaustion. Tear sprung the corners of my eyes, and I did everything I could to push them away. I didn't want to cry anymore, I didn't want to feel.

"Delilah, you're not leaving me."

My breathing quickened and I was on the verge of having a panic attack, knowing that if I didn't leave soon, I would explode with sadness. Do you know what thats like? To want to stay so badly, but not be able to because of the physical and emotional pain it will cause you? As hard as I tried, as much as I wanted it, I couldn't be around him. It hurt too much.