2.1

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by Hakuna

by Hakuna

{Delilah}.

I quickly hurried out a sentence of words, scared that Luke would get the wrong impression otherwise. I couldn't blame him for thinking such things, after all they were true. Once or twice I had contemplated the idea of putting an end to my misery, this hopeless life I seemed to have, but I couldn't do it. I didn't really want to either, I just wanted the pain to stop.

I guess I was trying to ask him about what my life would be like if I ever found the courage to let of Calum. He of all people know what it's like to live without someone they love, and I needed to know what is was like.

Does it get easier? Does it get harder? Or would it break me even more? At this point, I was going to get hurt either way, I just didn't want to cause any more pain onto Calum. He deserved better than me.

"What if I can't do it, Luke? What if I can't live without him?"

There was a silence and I could tell that he was really trying to find the right words to say to me. His face screwed up slightly and his eyes watered, but he managed to contain himself for the most part.

"No one can do it, Del. Losing someone you love, that's the most painful thing in the world." He tells me. "Or at least I thought it was..."

"What do you mean?" I ask him, his sudden question on thought led me confused.

"I'm not even sure anymore. But seeing you, you just know a whole new definition of the word pain, yet somehow, you keep going. I thought maybe, once that someone was gone, that was the hardest thing, because for me, it was instant; I never even got to say goodbye. One day she was here, the next she was gone. But with you and Cal, everything's different."

I had stabled myself and my eyes were finally dry as I made my way over to where Luke sat. I stared at him, head down as tears clouded his eyes, yet he didn't break even when I expected him to.

"Calum was so close to dying and if waiting to see if he would wake up wasn't hard enough, everything crashed downhill when he finally came around."

I looked away at his words, the memory playing in my mind of the first night he was here. For some reason, that night seemed to be the easiest out of them all.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're constantly torn between fighting for him, and fighting to let him go; It's an even battle. I'm not too sure if there will be a winner. It's this long empty road you're stumbling on, wanting to say goodbye but not being able to. I mean, what's worse?" He asks me. "Wanting to love someone, but you can't? Or wanting to let go of someone, but you can't?"

Luke wasn't awaiting an answer when I looked back over at him, and I was thankful for that. I knew he had one, being that latter, but I didn't. Both seemed to hurt just as much and finding out the answer to them would only cause more pain to arise. It did keep my thinking though and about a lot of things, too.

"Sometimes," Luke began. "We have to fight for the things that we care about. Other times, we have to find the courage to let go of the things that we love most in this world."

Just a short chapter because I feel really sick rn :-(

Thank you for 9K reads and 300+ comments on past 3 chapters. <3

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