Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

3.1

{Delilah}.

COMMENT !

I stumbled up the steps to the front door, seeing a small flicker of a light on inside. I opened the door after catching my balance, well-aware that when Calum woke up, he would find out I had been drinking again.

It felt like my heart had just been ripped to shreds, and what was taking away the sting of the emptiness seemed to only create more of a problem long-term. I couldn't escape this misery.

I struggled to find the light switch for the hallway, almost tripping over my own two feet as I headed into the lounge room where a lamp seemed to be on. I was almost surprised at first, but then a guilty feeling took over me leaving me quiet.

I stood in the doorway, staring at Calum who was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I wasn't even sure if had moved once since I left, but it wouldn't surprise me if he hadn't.

"What are you doing up?" I asked him, trying to control myself which was seeming near impossible.

"Delilah, where have you been?" He sighed, peeling his head away from his hands and turning to look up at me. I looked at him, the eye contact making me nervous. "Del?" He pushed on, staring at me contently and I just knew he could sense that I wasn't myself.

"I went out," I slurred on words, cursing afterwards when I realised that I may have just given my act away. Calum stood up, resting his hand on the couch to steady himself - still not having much strength in his body.

"Delilah, have you been drinking?" He asked me, a shocked and saddened look on his face, his words seeming to remind me of the night Luke asked me the same thing outside the hospital. "No," I lied the subtle angered look on his face changing to more of a disappointed one.

"Delilah, you know you shouldn't drink. You know what you're like," He told me, surprising me with how calm his voice was, but I just think he didn't have the energy to be mad with me anymore. "I haven't been," I mumbled back, the lies seeming to roll off my tongue just like they did when he told me he still loved me.

"Delilah, you need to stop,"

"Why? Is it because I'm an alcoholic?" I asked him, the emptiness inside my chest being replaced with an overwhelming sense of anger - one that I couldn't contain. "Or is it because you hate to see me numb - not being able to feel a single thing?" My words felt strange on my lips and I knew that the person saying all these things wasn't me. I think it was just the heartache talking.

He paused for a moment, sucking in a sharp breath looking like he had held his breath for several seconds. "What?" He asked me and I almost fell for his look of disbelief. "Delilah, what are you talking about?"

"I know I deserve the pain I caused you. Ok? I know it was my fault, and I know you think that too."

- COMMENT !

{Calum}.

What was wrong with my girl? Why had she convinced herself to take all the blame and not leave even an ounce of love for herself? Is that why she was drinking? Because she thought that she did this to me?

"Delilah, you don't deserve any pain," I whispered to her, my heartbreaking as I slowly moved towards her. "Shut up! Shut up Calum, you know I do," she cried out, pulling at her hair in desperation.

"Delilah, listen to yourself," I told her, hoping that she would hear the crazy words she yelled at me, realising just how ridiculous they were.

"I have been listening to myself, Calum - I went without hearing your voice for five weeks. Five freaking weeks without you, and I fell asleep to the sound of my own cries calling out your name. All I heard was myself hopelessly begging you to wake you up because I couldn't stand the thought of living without you. I drove myself insane because I realised you didn't hear a thing."

"I did hear you," I told Delilah, her rambling seeming to suddenly stop as the words flew from my mouth. She looked up at me in pure disbelief, her bottom lip quivering. "I did. I heard you, ok? I heard you, and I felt your tears falling on my shoulder and your hand crushing mine. And I heard you cry yourself to sleep almost every night only for you to wake up clinging to my hand and begging me to keep on breathing."

She breathed deeply, the air coming out shaky as it parted from her lips. Her hands shook at her sides and she had to hold them down firmly to try and steady herself. "You're not hopeless, Del. You had more hope than anyone who came in to see me."

She dropped her head in defeat, soft whimpers trembling her body as she stood delicately in the doorway. "You had so much hope in me the whole time, so tell me now why you've given up on us - why you've given up on yourself?"

"You don't know what it's like to say goodbye to the love of your life,"

"Delilah, I'm still here." I reminded her, throwing my hands up in the air beside me to over-exaggerate my point.

"No, Calum. I know. But you don't know what it was like for me."

"No, you don't know what it was like for me," I corrected her, her features falling.

"Calum, I thought you were going to die!" You screamed at me, but it was only sadness that filled her voice. "And I thought it was because of me."

"Delilah," I whispered her name, dropping my head slightly as I took a step closer, my feet already hurting from supporting me for a lengthed period of time.

"You don't know what it was like," she repeated, tears welling up in her hazel eyes. "You don't know what it was like to try to say goodbye."

"You think that I didn't want to say goodbye to you? That I didn't feel like saying it at times? Yeah Delilah, I heard you. Every minute of the day, I heard you. I know how it felt to be scared of losing everything and to think that I would never hear your voice again. I know you almost lost me, but I almost lost you too so don't you dare think for even a second that I had no idea what was going on in that room. I heard everything."

-

Yay! I've been waiting to use that last part that Calum says since the end of Chase Me.

I'm proud of this chapter so I hope you like it.

What did you think? Do you hate me now? Woah, Calum found out that she's been drinking again, Delilah finds out that Calum could hear them the whole time, Calum finds out part of what's troubling Delilah. But is it too late for them?

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