2.8

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by Hakuna

by Hakuna

{Delilah}.

I know I wasn't really going insane but I was kept up at night due to the horrific reminders of the crash - each time, picturing myself in his situation; picturing not waking up. I wasn't crazy either, but my demons danced around my subconscious, reminding me of how truly pathetic I am of a person, whispering to me that Calum can't love me after the amount of pain I caused him.

I don't think the worst part was that I couldn't stop the voices, it was that I believed them. But oh gosh, maybe I was crazy.

'Wasn't Calum waking up supposed to fix this?' I asked myself. I felt so stupid for no knowing any better. Naive little me got her hopes too high, only for them to fall on top of her, crushing me in the process.

I kept wondering why this was hurting so much. After all, I was ready to leave that night. Maybe I never would have even came home, but that's all a mystery now. So why did it hurt? That night, I honestly didn't care what happened, I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted Calum to stop leaving me, I wanted him to stay; but I knew I couldn't have that, so I left instead.

But now he's here and he's telling me that he's got no plans to leave, so why don't I believe him? Is it because I don't trust him, or is it because I don't see anything worthy enough to make him stay?

Ultimately, I just wanted this burning pain in my chest gone. I wanted to close my eyes at night and not hear the distance sounds of tires screeching or metal being crushed along the roads. I remember all the sounds from that night. I just wanted a life where I wasn't haunted by my mistakes - awake or dreaming.

{Calum} - It's been a while.

I tried to ignore the fact that she never came back upstairs last night, but it only made it so much more painful when I remembered. I fell asleep expecting her to come up once she had her chance to breathe clearly, but as I shot awake upon the visions of my horrid nightmares - I discovered that she was nowhere to be seen.

I kept wondering if I had done something wrong or that I may have done something to upset Del. Whatever it was, she wouldn't let me speak long enough to say that I was sorry. I had this horrible guilty feeling in my chest weighing me down, and all I wanted was to have Delilah back - the one before all of this even became real. What I would give up just to hold her in my arms once more. I know she wasn't gone, but she wasn't all here, either.

Perhaps it was still the shock of seeing me in such a state, maybe there was still a little bit of fear in her heart, or maybe it was because a part of her still wanted to leave. Maybe she wasn't ok...

I couldn't help but wonder what it was that was causing so much distance between us, or why she seemed so scared to get close to me. I wasn't going to leave her - I hoped she knew that. I loved her.

Short chapter but Calum

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