Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

2.0

{Delilah}.

The small hint of vodka remained on my breath like the way an overpowering sadness clanged to every inch of me. The demons in my mind fed off of every thought, growing stronger by the day. I could feel myself wasting away and somewhere along, I began to lose my mind.

I arrived at the hospital but once again and I avoided heading straight to Calum. I doubt that he would have wanted to see me, anyways. The balcony off the third floor always seemed to have a calling for my name, and it appeared that Luke began to feel the same way.

There was never anyone else up here but us, which made it feel like my own secret hideaway. The place felt forgotten but it was content, the concrete was cracked and the plants had all passed, but it reminded me that some things could still be beautiful whilst being so abandoned.

Luke turned to face me after hearing the closing of the door. His eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy but he saw no use in hiding it. I walked over to him silently, standing so close to him that I was almost able to hear his heart break in his chest.

"Luke," I spoke his name, turning my head to look at him. He stared onwards, looking down at all the passing cars below, the lights in the distance somewhat blurry as my eyes clouded with tears.

"I know." Was all he said, not even needing to hear my whimpering voice to know what I was feeling. "I'm scared, too." He added to which I nodded sadly, blinking my eyes tight to try and rid of any tears. "I know I should try and tell you that things will get easier and that this is all in your head, but honesty? I'm scared to death." He spoke, his voice fading at the last few words.

The bitter reality stabbed deep at my heart, but I was becoming used to the ache. I think that was the worst part: the fact that this crippling pain was something I had now grown accustomed to.

{Luke}.

I could feel it. She was like a poisonous gas, her chemicals radiating onto anyone who got close enough to her. Her pain soon became mine and I wondered how she managed to survive the day, breathing in such sadness.

"How did I do it? How did I screw things up enough to make him fall out of love with me?" She asked wondering over to a bench, desperate for someone to have an answer that wouldn't split her world in two.

"Del, he still loves you. He's just very lost at the moment." I told her. "We all are."

She shook her head as if the words I told her were a lie. I sat down next to her on the old bench that rested near the balcony, wondering if the added weight of my burdens would be enough to break the wooden planks. But it didn't, and we were left holding the weight of worlds on our shoulders.

"I just wish that you never had to wonder if someone loved you. You know what I mean?" She asked and I nodded my head sadly. There was a usual silence between her words and the time she spoke again. "I just don't see why this is happening to me." She murmured as she stood up, walking back over to the railing. I stared onwards, listening intently as she continued to pour her heart out to me.

She chocked on a sob and I could see her body tremble from where I was sitting, but unlike every other time, she really tried to fight it.

"I was ready to leave that night, you know?" She questioned me as she stared down at her feet scraping across the ground. "I really was." She continued. "I was just so tired of being left behind, forgotten even, that I wanted him to know what it felt like; even just for a night."

Her voice was quiet and weak, and her hands continued to shake. "I think that was the most selfish thing I've ever done." She told me. "Or maybe this is." She mumbled, yet I still heard her. "But that's the thing, I guess. It just didn't seem selfish at all when I was doing it."

"Delilah, you are not selfish for feeling pain." I promised her, hoping that the message would sink in.

"No, I think I am." She insisted. "This is, after all, because of me."

There was no use speaking up. She was already far too deep in her words that I couldn't save her even if I tried. I don't think anyone could at this point.

"I just wish I was enough for him. I wish I was enough to stop him from falling out of love with me." I haven't a clue in the world as to why she began to believe such things, nor as to when she became so faithless. Any flicker of hope she had left in her burned out a long time ago.

"Why wasn't I enough, Luke? Why couldn't I save him? Why couldn't I save us?" She cried, her voice breaking every time a word left her mouth. "I know I should accept the fact that we're not going to make it, but it's just too hard. I don't want to give up on him, even though I think I already am."

She paused as if a sudden thought popped into her mind, one that needed an answer. She turned to me, her eyes drained of any life and replaced with endless tears, her lips trembling as the lights from the city shone behind her silhouette.

And her voice, so quiet and more broken than I have heard, wavered as the words left her parted lips. She took a step down so she wasn't quite so high anymore, my body towering over her shaking stature. 

"What if it hurts?"

-

Ooooohhhhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 220 COMMENTS IN TOTAL ON MY LAST CHAPTERS, IT MADE ME SO HAPPY !

There was like a 2 day wait for this, but the book is sort of getting near to the end, so I want to try and spread it out a bit and I put so much into making these chapters more detailed and emotional for you guys, so I hope you appreciate it.

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That's only 13 more than on the last chapter.

THIS 5SOS ANNOUNCEMENT, OH YM GOODNESS I REALLY REALLY HOPE I WIN. 

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