Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

3.5

{Delilah}.

(Song options for this chapter are: Love Me or Leave Me - Little Mix [legit though, this song just came out and it's one of the most Dalum songs I've ever heard]

The Scientist - Coldplay, Breathe - Sia, For The First Time - The Script, Infinity - One Direction, Poison and Wine - The Civil Wars, Say Something - A Great Big World, Stay With Me - Sam Smith)

I fell asleep with a lot of hurt in my heart and sorrow swept eyes, now completely dry of tears. My chest ached with a burning pain, a void that would just keep on growing until I was sure I would be nothing anymore. I had decided: in the morning, I would leave him.

Calum shot awake in the middle of the night only to find me sitting next to him, already awake from my own demons playing in my mind. They used to dance with his, now they just haunt me.

He sniffled slightly and laid back down, his cries must have been so silent that I couldn't hear them. I looked down at him as he drifted back off to sleep. The purple gash still remained on the side of his face bearing a few stitches which he received shortly after he arrived in hospital. His shirt hung low on his back, a bluish bruise showing at the bottom of his neck, trailing all the way over to his shoulder. I don't think he was even aware of half of the scars covering his body, but maybe that was for the best.

So many things were telling me to stay, but I knew in my heart that I had to leave despite the pit of nausea that grew in my chest when I dared to think of it too much. I loved him and I had never been more sure of anything in my life, but I couldn't stay. 

"Calum," I whispered to him making sure that he was still fast asleep. "Calum, I have to go," I paused. "Calum, I have to leave you," my voice murmured out weakly, breaking at the end leaving me struggling to find the words to say to him. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay, but you need to understand that I couldn't be around you. I couldn't keep hurting you, Cal." I stood up, my hand falling from his arm as the distance between us grew. "I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I love you."

I often wonder how different things would be now if I could go back and change things. If we never got in that stupid argument or said those things to each other. And mostly, I find myself wondering what would have happened if he didn't chase me.

I don't think I was ever going know what may have happened that night and neither did I want to. All I wanted was to find my feet carrying me into a bar where I could drown my demons for a night, and for once, I managed to do one thing without screwing up.

The familiar smell of vodka and the smoke from cigarettes didn't soothe my mind as usual, but I brushed the unwelcome feeling aside, heading straight over towards the barstool and taking my usual seat. Several minutes passed and as I went to order myself another shot, a voice stopped me from doing so, only this time it wasn't the one in my head confused about where I would spend the night. 

I turned around to face the intimidating shadow of a man, his darkness towering over me. As he stepped closer, I realised he wasn't that scary after all and that the distance had just made me feel small. He sighed after giving me a nod, taking a seat two down from me. He swirled a glass of something in his hands, taking a while for his eyes to meet mine and repeat what he had just said to me.

"You lost yourself, didn't you?" He asked me. It didn't take much to remember the words of advice he had told me a couple of weeks back, and an instant cloud of regret rained down on me. My eyes drifted down to the counter in shame. For some reason, I was embarrassed of myself, even in front of this man I barely even knew.