0.3

3.7K 156 67

by Hakuna

by Hakuna

{Calum}.

It had been seven days since I woke up, my body still aching without fail. My medication was doubled due to the searing pain I was in, though some of it may have just been fear. I was now able to focus more clearly on things, and I was able to look into Delilah's eyes as she spoke to me, even managing to mumble out several words if I really tried.

I could see how happy it was making Delilah, the guys too, but no matter how much I wanted it, it didn't make me happy. Not like I thought it would, anyways. I only grew more and more frustrated with myself with everything I did. Speaking, eating, moving; they were all a challenge for me and I could barely do anything without help. I always hated depending on people for too much.

Delilah didn't mind one bit, though. She was willing to sacrifice anything to make sure I was ok, always there helping me whenever I needed it. I knew I should have been grateful, and I was, but I know it wasn't enough. She managed to squeeze next to me on the small hospital bed, her body carefully resting beside mine as she breathed deeply, her smile brighter than I had ever seen it. I know she was still cautious though, and as much as she wanted to lay by me, I knew that she would leave in a heartbeat if she thought she was hurting me.

"Are you sure this is ok?" She asked, looking down at me as she held me in her arms. "Because if its uncomfortable or causing you pain in any way, you need to tell me." She added, her eyes nervously searching mine. "I'm going to get up." She mumbled out before I had a chance to speak up.

"Stay."

She stopped her actions, looking back over at me just before she was about to swing her feet over the bed. She sighed, pondering for a minute about what to do, though it was clear what she wanted as she turned back to me, gently pulling me against her arms.

I knew that for whatever reason, she just needed to hold me in her arms, so I let her despite the growing pit in my chest which I was uncertain of. I stayed quiet for her. Sometimes, thats the only thing you can do. But I couldn't quite put my finger on it, the feeling that something wasn't right. I tried to brush it off as nothing, saying that the medication was making me slightly depressed, but I knew I was lying to myself. I just wish I could have been happy.

{Delilah}.

I wanted to hold Calum in my arms more than anything in that moment, but I was also so afraid to hurt him. Deep down, I still believed it was my fault and I still wished it happened to me instead, but I wouldn't tell him that; I don't need him to worry.

I was relieved to know that things with me and Luke were ok, given what I told him. I still can't believe I did what I did. I know it was stupid, and it was just because of all the anger and frustration I was feeling, but I still should never have done it.

Luke told me how much it would have hurt him if it happened to himself which is a main reason to why he promised not to say a word to anyone. But like I said, it was stupid and I know it was a mistake. It won't happen again, so its not really that big of a deal, right? I can fix this.

Sighing, I adjusted the pillows so they were more supportive of Calum's head. I didn't know what was good, and what mean he was improving at this stage. Something you thought good news could mean another thing. It left you doubting everything.

In regards to the Glasgow Coma Scale, Calum was doing alright. Verbal wise, he could utter a few words, though they weren't always clear to understand. Eye opening wise, he was slowly working towards verbal, though it was still mostly pain. I knew that the most important thing was that he could open his eyes, and that he was alive. But even still, I wished for more.

We had been warned about the long term effects of Calum's brain injury. We knew the likelihood of him developing a problem with cognition, as well as his behaviour and mental health. It some ways, it seemed liked he wasn't all there, almost like a huge part of him was missing; but I guess we were all just hoping that was because he was in pain.

Uh oh, what's Delilah done? ; )

25 + COMMENTS FOR AN UPDATE.