Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

2.2

{Delilah}.

Although they didn't give me an answer, Luke's words really helped me. Perhaps it was because I knew that I wasn't the only person in the world to feel such things, or maybe it was because I saw that he was just as scared as me. I think with feelings of great fear, it's nice to know you're not alone, and that's what Luke's words gave me; a sense of understanding.

The day which Calum would come home was drawing closer and closer, and I expressed my fears to Luke about the whole situation. He seemed to know exactly what I was talking about and I couldn't believe how blind I had been to his pain.

I told him about how scared I was of being alone with Calum. A part of the reason being his condition; if something were to happen, if he was to relapse, I don't think I'd cope. Another reason was that I was petrified of how different things would be. 

He still couldn't do most things for himself and he needed support every now and then when he had to walk, but I'd have to be there for him almost every minute of the day. I guess what really made it hard was that I was so scared to get close to him again.

Whenever I was alone, my mind drifted back to the night this all happened and I remember feeling so desperate to leave. We had our problems in our relationship and there was always something that caused a stir between us, each fight seeming to leave a scar on the both of us, but neither of us even wanted to leave until that night.

It's funny, really. Life has many ways of crushing a person's soul. Just when you think you're through the worst of it, life pulls you back in only for you to endure another round of pain and heartache. I thought I was ready to leave Calum that night, but then something changed and he almost left me and I discovered that I wasn't ready to live without him after all.

Ultimately, it wasn't my choice; it was his. But now it's different, now I don't know how to live with him. But I also know that I'm still not ready to live without him and I may never be ready either. 

Perhaps in the end, that was what was driving me insane.

{Calum}.

I couldn't tell her... Of course, I couldn't. I couldn't even look her in the eyes for more than a few seconds, let alone tell her how I felt; but I was scared. I was scared that we'd go home and there'd be silence, just an empty void floating around the space waiting to be filled. If it was the space between us where the emptiness rested, then I knew it would only remain there unfilled, growing each day until I couldn't even look at her anymore.

I hadn't seen Luke for most of the day and as for Delilah, well, I wasn't even sure if she came in to see me last night, let alone spent another night at my side. It was late afternoon when Luke showed up, joining Ashton and Michael in my room before the two of them left us to talk.

Even before he opened his mouth, I knew where the conversation was going. But then again, everything drifted back to her.

He was hesitant like every other time, but he swallowed his fear and gave his best attempt to withdraw some emotion from me. He was desperate for me to open up to him, and I could see the determination in his eyes, something telling me that he wouldn't give up.

"Please, Calum. I know you're not ok."

I looked up at him, sighed, then nodded my head as if allowing him to continue.

"What's going on with you? I know you would never give up on Delilah, she was what pulled you through. Why are you letting this happen to you?"

He needed an answer. I could see it on his face the way he longed for my words. I just didn't know what to tell him.

"Because I'm scared," I told him, my voice a lot stronger than I thought it would be. He looked at me questioningly and I knew he wanted me to continue. "Do you wanna know why I'm scared?" I asked him.  "I'm scared because I'm losing the one person in my life who makes it worth fighting for."

His eyes lingered on me for a few moments before he dropped his head in defeat as if all the pieces finally clicked together. Could he finally see it? How messed up we were? Because I could, Delilah too. Maybe we were passed the point of saving.

-

: )

Added my new Mikey fic. Check out the prologue !

Okay, so I never told you guys, but last Friday in maths class (there's only like 15 students in our class btw), the teacher left the room quickly and me, and the four other people in my science class, were planning this the day before and the teacher quickly left the room and while he was out, one of the four others (L) yelled out the plan to everyone and then about a minute or so later when they teacher was back and writing a demonstration on the board, the plan begun and L coughed and then everyone (except 3 people, ugh) fell off their seats and dropped to the floor and acted dead and it was so funny and then the teacher "Mr.T", turned around and was like "What on earth are you wallies doing? I hear the massive bang and turn around and all of my students are dead on the floor." Ooooohhhh, it was great.

Anyways, because of that great story (It's like, better than the whole of Find Me), 100 COMMENTS PLEASE. 

Love you.

Always.