Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

1.5

{Delilah}.

"Stop controlling me, Calum. I can't be here, I can't be near you right now; it's driving me insane. Please, I just need some space." I hurried out the room leaving Calum behind. Why was it that I was always seeming to run away from him? That's how we got into this mess in the first place. If I wasn't such a screw-up, none of this would have happened.

I was the most stupid person in the world for wanting to leave, but I knew it was out of my control. I just need space to be able to breathe, and I couldn't do that when I was near Calum. I was selfish and arrogant and pathetic, but I was human and this felt like the only way to cope so it's what I did.

Whenever I'm in that hospital, whenever I walk in and see Calum on that bed, all I can think about is the first night he was here. The vision of him beaten and covered in blood hits me every time, and I've found that the pain never goes away. But he's ok now, so I should be happy, right? I should put all my worries aside and just focus on Cal, but I can't. I can't and that kills me because that's all I want.

I'm creating this unnecessary distance between us and I hate myself for it. I'm pushing him away because I'm scared of losing him. It just makes no sense.

I'm slowly falling back into my old habits and I feel as though I need Calum more than ever. I promised him last time that I would never touch a bottle of alcohol again, but here I am driving myself back to the newly acquainted bar I had grown fond of. My only question was why Luke hadn't told Calum about my relapse.

For an alcoholic, I managed to contain myself rather well, only downing three glasses of beer before I stopped myself. Maybe it was the chemicals talking, or maybe it was just my anxiety, either way I started overthinking the situation between me and Calum, coming to a conclusion which caused my heart to snap in two.

In my defence, I had always been insecure so it was rather easy of me to believe such a thing. Though sometimes, I just wish I could turn my mind off. Thinking comes with a great consequence.

Once again, I returned to the hospital in the afternoon, the place beginning to feel like a broken home to me. Luke caught me outside, holding my wrist and turning me around to face him.

"Del, where have you been? Calum's been asking for you."

I was surprised at his words, forgetting for a minute that I mattered to him still. I didn't answer him, but he seemed to continue anyway.

"He's starting physio soon and the nurse says they're trying to get him to walk." I nodded in reply, showing that I was listening as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You alright?" He asks me, leaning down to try and make eye contact with me, but I refused. "Del?" He pushed.

"Why didn't you answer me?" I shot the question at him, anger escaping my lips.

"What?" He asked me, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.

"The other night. I needed you to come and get me, but you didn't reply. I called you several times, Luke."

He bit down on his lip in understanding, stretching his neck side to side. "I broke my phone." He mumbled out, a slight trace on embarrassment lingering in his tone. He paused for a minute, looking at me suspiciously before shooting his fair share of questions at me again.

"What happened? Why couldn't you get here?"

"Uh, my car broke down." I stuttered, trying to make my lie as believable as possible.

"Delilah," he spoke my name, pausing to sniff the air. "Have you been drinking?" He questioned and I nervously took a step back. "No." I ushered out an answer, almost too quickly.

"Delilah, don't lie to me. If Calum knew about this-"

"He's not going to find out, Luke. I'll stop, I promise." I cut him off, attempting to walk towards the entrance of the hospital but being interrupted by Luke moving in front of me. "No Del, you know it doesn't work like that."

"Well please tell me how this whole thing is supposed to work, because apparently I'm doing it all wrong." I snapped at him, earning a few disgruntled looks from passer byes.

"Delilah.." Luke mumbled, softening his voice to try and calm me.

"No Luke. I'm clearly a mess, so anything else you want to throw at me surely can't take me down that much further. Go on, tell me how pathetic I am, tell me how tired you are of me. Even worse, why don't you just force me next to Calum so I can watch as he slowly continues to fall out of love with me?" 

My hands flew up to cover my mouth the moment the words left me. My eyes grew wide as did his as he stared at me in disbelief, wondering how I could think such things.

"What did you just say?" He asked me.

-

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