Rj broke up with me last Friday, while I was at school. I cried at school.
I can't stop crying.
Half a year, just, gone.
I miss him so much.
My heart hurts.
My heart is broken.
At first he said it was because of the distance, and then promised we'd get back together.
Then he told me that the truth was he was a sophomore and needed to get a good gpa for a scholarship for football, and never planned on coming back, he just said it so I wouldn't do something stupid.
He skypes me at night to help me sleep, and part of me wants to continue that, but the other part tells me I need to stop because I can't rely on him anymore since he's not mine.
But, stopping that is saying goodbye and I'm not ready for that.
I don't want to say goodbye.
I just want him.
I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I have him.
I always will.
He's a lot of my firsts, and my longest relationship.
I gave my all to him, and now I'm alone, with nobody to hold me while I cry.
I just want to disappear from the world.
I hate myself so much for looking at the clock and knowing its an hour later for him and knowing what he's doing because I memorized his schedule or checking my phone for a message I know isn't there whenever I have a spare minute.
I feel worthless.
Like trash.
I want to drop out of everything and just give up but I know I have to keep trying for my sake.
I need to get into a good pastry school.
I just can't wait for the day where I don't cry, I'm happy, and I have the one.
I genuinely thought he was the one...
