I haven't slept. It was a decent night, until my mom woke up.
Let me back trace.
Sunday, I got kicked out by my grandma. I was sick and she wanted me to go grocery shopping. She threw stuff at me and told me to pack my bags and get out. My mom fought back and I'm still here, but we're moving out asap.
I didn't want to be around them during the day so I would stay at my aunts during the day. I picked Kara up too, and brought her over. We came home when my mom got home from work. That was Monday and Tuesday.
Monday when we got home, my mom told me that she had made an appointment for Dori, my dog. She's very very old. She can barely see anymore, and she cant hear. She gets lost and cant walk right, but she won't stop walking. She has no teeth and can only eat soft foods, and she poops and pees almost nonstop.
She also knocks over almost anything she brushes against.
I'm devastated. Dori is my baby. She's always been there for everything. She always knows when something is wrong and I'm upset. Even now as I type this she's laying next to me.
My mom woke up this morning and she came to the living room and said "why is there stuff on the floor it was just cleaned?" to which I said "Dori knocked over some stuff last night."
"Well its a good thing she's being put down Monday so you dont have to complain about her anymore."
I didn't think I was complaining but it hit me hard.
My baby is gonna be gone. My best friend. My overheating cudder. My protector.
I dont want her to go.
I know its selfish and shes suffering but fuck I dont want her to go.
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Kara has Willow, who has a bias to her, and what will I have?
A broken heart? A missing piece.
I already lost one home, and now another?
When do things get better? When do things start looking up?
When will the sun shine?
She'll never feel the summer heat again. Never go on the boat. No more attacking the water. No more opening doors in the middle of the night. No more sharing french fries, no more slipping her my pizza crusts when mom isn't looking. No more wet nosed kisses and drying my tears with her fur. No more car rides and no more cuddles and no more sharing blankets and no more her.
