Its a new year.
I forget what the outline was.
I'm not doing so great, to be honest.
A few months back, I met a guy through a game. He quickly became my friend and I, his. He came to me with problems, and solved mine. I fell for him. Hard. Harder than I've ever fallen for someone before.
We were like, and unofficial couple. He was my best friend. We made plans for the future. Not big things like weddings and shit like that, but he was going to visit me for my birthday.
I'm 15. He's 21.
Its illegal until I'm sixteen.
That was one of the plans. He was going to start saving money to come and visit me for my birthday, and we'd become official. That was Septemberish.
A few days before we made that plan, he confessed to me that he had a fiancee.
I was a homewrecker.
He told me that he didnt want to marry her, and I said 'Then why propose?'
She proposed. He accepted because he was pressured by his mom.
He was going to end it with her because QUOTE "I obviously don't love her if I have this strong of feelings for you."
We slowly started to drift apart.
He was working his ass off to get money, and I was waiting, counting down the days. Had the number written on my hand.
It got to the point that there was no contact.
None.
For three months.
I was still waiting for three of those months.
He appeared a few days before new years, to tell me he ended it with his fiancee.
A few days after new years he appeared on the game.
My motto said "Metallica ❤" meant to be the band, Metallica.
Someone joined with the user name Metallica, and we became friends quickly, finding it funny and ironic.
Jokingly, he put "Kiley❤❤❤❤" as his motto. I was in the shower, but signed in on the game still when he did it.
Alex came on, saw, and got the wrong idea pretty quickly.
As 'rebound' he decided to get with another girl, thinking I was with Metallica.
He was dressed identical to a girl, sat with her, and she had "Alex ❤" in her motto.
I felt my heart crack when I saw it.
A few hours later Metallica admitted he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend.
I said yes. I genuinely was interested in him.
A few hours after that, Alex and I starting hashing it out over facebook.
We realized we both got the wrong idea.
I was going to confess that to Metallica, and then plan too.
A day passed, and I got a message from Alex telling me not to break up with him.
"Why?"
Because while I was waiting for him, he was not waiting for me.
He found someone, and the way he worded it, seems like it was just fucking. I could be wrong.
The pain in my chest was physical.
It was hard to breathe, and it hurt so bad.
"I need something physical. She's here, and you aren't."
He led me on. For months. And when I had to chance to get over him, I lost it.
And now, I find out, he's still with his long distance fiancee.
And the girl he's fucking/dating.
He hurt me. The pain was unbearable.
When I was little, I planned my entire sweet 16 party, down to a point.
It would be perfect.
As I grew up, my likes changed, and I just wanted it to be a normal birthday.
Until Alex came along.
I couldn't wait for 16 to come. I was excited, and I was counting down days. I was planning something bigger. And now, I just want to be dead before it gets here.
I'velostso manypeople. HepromisedmeI'dneverlosehim, relationship, orjustfriends. He'dbethereforme, forever.
ThepeopleIlovebecomeapartofmysoul, and my sanity.
Every timeI lose one, Iloseanothersmallpartofme.
And soon, I'mafraid nothing withbeleft.
*mediaisfromJanuary 15-16 (timezonesplusmidnight)*
