lioness // phan

Chapter 13 ~ Falling Apart

TRIGGER WARNING
This chapter mentions self harm, suicide, anorexia ect if you're easily triggered please don't read this.
This is Leona's POV if you're confused.

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I felt like I was slipping away. I had ran up to Phil's room after witnessing a horrible comment on YouTube about me. There were loads of other comments about me. I scrolled down the comment section and everyone was leaving disgusting messages.

Oh she's fat as hell!

Her nose is too big wtf ugly!

Who does she think she is? She just wants attention

Eww! She should kill herself!

Stop eating bitch you need to lose weight!

It carried on, and on. I fell down into the duvet and hid my face in a pillow, letting out a small croak. Dan and Phil didn't even notice. Either that, or they didn't care. I chose the second option. I knew it was true, I was just a burden to everyone. No one really cared for me at all, it was all a big joke. Just one big joke!

I did have social media, a few days back Phil had given me a phone and helped me set up things like Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

He had left all my links down in the description and most of the people who noticed me, weren't nice humans. They left messages on all my pictures, the ones of me and even pictures of simple things. But mostly my food pictures.

"Pizza! Yay! Thank you for bringing it back Dan!" I captioned the picture of the box.

Fatty! Why you eating that? You shouldn't eat at all.

Throw it up, go on I dare you

Fat! Bet you put on like 50kg after eating that!

Ew fat pig! Stop eating!

I held the phone to my chest and let out a small sob. I didn't want them to know I was falling apart. I didn't want them to see the broken me, they would be completely disappointed with me. Dan would take me back to the doctor, and Phil would try to comfort me when it wouldn't work.

I gripped my hair, pulling at it as hard as I could.

My head was screaming, I felt numb. I wanted to die, but at the same time I wanted to bleed. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to cry, scream, break something. But instead, I held it all inside and hurt myself rather than the people around me.

I was truly screaming inside, my body felt weak. I wanted to fade away, sleep forever. I knew I had therapy tomorrow, and the thought of that made me want to throw up.

I got up and made my way to Phil's mirror. I lifted my shirt to see the fat on my stomach. I knew it; I was fat. I was putting on weight. All that disgusting food I stuffed my body with, it was all inside of me.

I felt like a bomb, about to explode at any minute. I ran to my bag and took the sharp blade from my hidden pocket.

I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower, so that they couldn't hear me crying or even worse.

I sat on the seat, trying to cut away at my fat. I wanted it to disappear. I wanted to be pretty, skinny. I hated myself, all this time I thought my dad hated me for no reason but now I understand completely.

I'm a fucked up child.

I broke down against the seat, letting myself fall. The tears slipped fast down my cheeks. I let the blood run from my stomach onto the floor. I didn't care if I bled to death. I just wanted it to be all over.