lioness // phan

Chapter 11 ~ Return To Hell

*I wrote this chapter because school for me is starting soon but i know that most Americans have gone back to school already, wish you luck USA!*

-

I woke up the next morning at 6am. I slept in Phil's bed again because we were going to start working on my room soon. Since it was Monday, i knew it was time to go back and face school. If i'm quite honest, i was dreading it completely. The only reason i was actually going was to see my best friend.

I got up, having slept the whole way through the night because Phil had given me a one off sleeping pill to help the nightmares go away. He said he was going to contact the doctors for an appointment to ask if they could prescribe me usual pills.

I walked to my bag and found an outfit; a black All Time Low shirt, a purple Asking Alexandria jumper and some black skinny jeans. Phil told me he was worried about my weight. I wasn't eating much, i just didn't feel like it. I was never hungry anymore. I was so used to starving because my father wouldn't feed me and i would be too scared to go downstairs and get food unless he was out. The only time he would be nice to me is when George came over. He would put on this fake act and pretend hes the best dad in the world. It made me sick.

But Dan and Phil are my dad's now. They're going to take care of me. The thought of that made me smile. I wanted to be there with them through everything. I wanted to prove i was sorry for the trouble I've already caused. Phil said there was nothing to worry about but i still felt extremely guilty.

I put on my makeup and re straightened my hair. I smiled at my appearance and held my stomach in the mirror. I didn't see this skinny girl that Phil said i was. I saw fat on my stomach, even if it was small; i always pick out the negatives.

I know that's bad, but i just cant help it. All the insults make me feel like i have to hate myself. Like i have to turn into my own bully. I bloody hate it because i wish i was happy. I wish i could be in someones body where they would love themselves. They would wake up and feel good about their body, their looks. I wish i knew what it was like to love myself.

I laugh now, because actually; i don't wanna be one of those orange girls me and George call 'wotsits', No offence but i am not a slutty type; i don't go out with hardly any clothes on in the winter. I don't wear white skinny jeans with a blue crop top like most of the girls do in my school. They all have fake tan even when its cold and snowing. Which is kinda pathetic because well we all know they haven't been on holiday and got a real tan. They are all spoiled people who get everything they want. They ask for an iPad, they get it.

Also, they flirt with every boy on earth, wear way too much mascara than their eyes need so it makes them look cakey as heck. To be honest, i think you can see my feelings towards these girls. They're also like wotsits because they leave marks on you. Like the cheese stains you get on your fingers after you've ate them.

Anyway, i'm letting my head ramble on again. I'll let you see for yourself.

I picked up my bag, stuffing my pencil case and my water bottle and ran downstairs. I put my water bottle under the tap and set it back in my bag, about to do it up.

"Uh, Lea don't you think you need lunch?" Dan asked calmly,

I shook my head and showed him the money i had in my pocket. Pretending i would buy lunch at the canteen even though i clearly wont.

I kissed his cheek and hugged him, walking into the living room and doing the same for Phil.

"You don't know how to get there do you? That's why you're hanging about," Phil said.

I shook my head in shame and Dan pulled me to the car.

"Ill drop you off today until you learn your way there," Dan said.