Please Stay

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

I'd always felt tired but the fatigue was getting stronger, especially since I'd ended up working fulltime - due to Sarah having her baby early. I'd heard she'd given birth to a tiny yet strong baby boy and she was happily embracing motherhood. I wanted to ask her for advice but we'd never been close and nobody at work knew I was pregnant yet.

Every time I went home, I'd try to visualise where I'd put the baby stuff in the house and if I could fit everything in. I'd try to act 'normal' when Will got home. I'd always put the tea on unless we were getting a takeaway because I got in first. I also liked to clean up. I found that by the time Eastenders came on I was already exhausted and wanted my bed, sometimes I couldn't even be bothered to get a shower - so that was a hassle in itself.

However, I suddenly got a surge of excitement when I opened the midwife appointment letter. I squealed about it delight, and discovering that it was the following Tuesday, despite it being short notice, was a positive for me. I would just tell my boss that I needed to see the doctor about the fatigue and sickness I was experiencing. That would hint pregnancy, it made sense to say it.

I had calculated that I was around 6 weeks pregnant. According to my book my baby was the size of a pea and I made a note of the 'foods to avoid' in part of the pregnancy notes at the back of the book. The picture of what my baby currently looked like wasn't much be dazzled about but I still thought it was amazing and wondered where abouts in my stomach the little one laid.

I realised that I'd taken to looking out of the window at night, gazing at stars, wishing to the first one I saw that Will would come around to my pregnancy and accept that he was going to become a father. If this would have happened when we first got together, I would have expected him to behave like this, but we hadn't just started going out with each other, we'd just moved in with each other.

This dawned on me yet again the night before the midwife appointment,

"We need to talk," I said after taking a deep breath. Will inhaled deeply and looked at me.

"I'm tired, Josie, I want to go to sleep," He said, pulling the quilt over him.

"Well, here's the thing, Will. I'm tired of not understand why you hate the fact that I'm pregnant!" I said, once again, I was seconds away from bursting into tears.

"I hate you being pregnant!? You are full of shit!" He replied, his tone bleak. It was the kind that made my heart sink in my chest.

"You do. You aren't interested, you don't care, you won't hold me. You're not close to me anymore. I don't get what changed!"

"I do care, I just need time to get it around in my head. I wish I could be jumping for joy but I can't right now because I'm worried about the whole thing!"

"After everything we have been through, I'd expect you to show a little more concern..."

"I am concerned but I need some time!"

"Well... you should have said that in the first place."

"I shouldn't have to say anything in the place, don't you understand me yet?"

"I love you, I know you, but I can't guess how you are going to react. I didn't try to get pregnant, it just happened, and I'm happy about it. I wish you were. That's all. Why is becoming a Dad worrying you so much?"

"Because there are so many lads that have lost their girlfriends when they've become parents! Because things could go wrong! Because there is finance to worry about too! Who's to say you wont have me dragged up on Jeremy Kyle in five years?"

"We're different. We've been together for a long time," I had to take a deep breath in, he'd hit me below the belt because it seemed like he just didn't know me anymore, "I wouldn't ever take anybody on Jezza because that's not my style. Finance? If you hadn't of been sulking and avoiding me, we could have talked through it and made a plan, got some advice. Don't you think I'm worried about things? I shouldn't have to be worried about you not coping with it!"

"You're acting like a kid!"

I burst out crying, how dare he!?

"No, you idiot!" I yelled standing up, "You are acting like a child. You are 26, for fuck sake mate, pull yourself together!"

"Whatever."

He rolled onto his side, turning his back to me and turned the light out. I grabbed my towelling robe and stormed out of the room, I put The Holiday on and made myself a cup of soup. My aim was to keep as calm as possible and hope that he would apologise sooner or later.

.

.

.

My midwife, Alice, was lovely. I walked into room 4 at the Doctor's Surgery and she had such a radiant smile. I was so glad that she was friendly too, I had heard of bitchy, old-fashioned midwifes and I had worried I'd get one like that. 

She gave me a urine cup to check for infections and kidney issues and proceeded to take blood samples. She asked how I felt about my pregnancy and she was very understanding of my worries. I felt like I was in safe hands, and I was definately a happy bunny when she calculated my estimated due date as the 12th November, but said that I should wait for the dating scan to be sure as I could be further on in my pregnancy as it's not always noticed straight away whilst taking the pill.

As soon as I left the room, I sent Will a text;

I had my first midwife appointment today, she's lovely. I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and I hope that you come with me to the dating scan. I miss you xx

I then put my phone in my pocket, hoping that my phone would vibrate soon and that he would send a positive response. I really missed the man I'd fallen in love with and even now, was still in love with.

I