Please Stay

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Finally the day had come! The day we would discover whether we were having a boy or a girl. Will could only take the afternoon off but Holly came over in the morning to help me prepare myself.

"Are you excited? Scared?" She grinned as she finished the cup of tea, I reluctantly made. I made it so I was being a good host, I literally couldn't be bothered shifting. I felt so heavy!

"Both. The last scan was so amazing. You've been through this, you should know!" I poked her in the arm.

"It feels a million miles away. I've been through the pregnancy and labour but it's all kind of hazy, as are the endless sleepless nights and nursing him day-in and day-out. I loved it, but I was so tired. It's got kind of easier now but he can be a little shit sometimes, I'm just glad I got him into a routine."

"I'm so worried I won't do it right, you know, motherhood and all that," I confessed.

"It might not happen over night but you'll get the hang of it, you'll even get used to having no sleep, but you can nap whilst you pumpkin naps, and clean up when she or he is busy playing. I'll come over and make sure you're not alone. It's terrible when you feel like nobody is there for you. I know that Will is gonna be there for you like!"

"I might still feel alone..."

"Are you looking forward to holding him?"

"With all my heart. He started kicking Saturday, and he kicked once yesterday. It's such a lovely feeling but it was a shocking feeling too."

"See, you may feel alone but you'll see your baby's little face and you'll think, fuck them!"

Holly was right. I knew exactly what I would feel, to an extent. I just worried that I wouldn't be a good Mum or that I wouldn't get the hang of it. I constantly worried that something was going wrong but I always shoved that to the back of my mind and embraced my bump and the back ache.

We met Will at the hospital and we all waited in silence for the sonographer to call my name. I itched with impatience. My back was agony. I started to think of boys and girls names, for the millionth time. I wondered what features our child would have. I tried to imagine the little baby inside me wriggling around. I knew it was a thin, small version of the 40-week ready one.

"Josie Sharp?" I looked up, oh man - it was Nick. I got up and grinned.

"It's the same one," Will said.

"I noticed," I smiled, as we walked up to him, "Hello again, Nick."

"Hello, I see you are back once again," He said, "Are you wanting to know what sex your baby is?"

"Yes!" I smiled, and shone a mega-watt smile at Will who laughed at me, or rather, my attempt at a smile.

And of course, the process begun again. The gel, and the screen and my heart pounding. And then I heard my little babies heart pound, a light filled my heart, and then the image filled the screen. I felt very teary. My baby put his or her tongue out and then yawned. I felt a little overwhelmed. And then as Nick checked everything was okay, explaining what everything was...

"I don't think I can tell you today, the little one has got their legs crossed!" Nick said.

"Come on little one, let us see whether we're buying pink or blue," Holly cheered, in a whisper, sort of.

"I really want to know," Will said, his eyes looked watery. Was he crying? I grabbed his hand.

"Daddy wants to know," I told my bump.

I don't know if a miracle happened or our child knew that we really wanted to know, but as I felt a kick, our babies legs moved and then Nick could see.

"Congratulations, you are having a baby girl!" Nick said, "I'm hardly ever wrong, and you are 19 weeks plus 6 days, so I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure!"

I couldn't really tell from what I could see on the screen but suddenly I knew I was having a daughter and Will was going to have a Daddy's girl. Holly was smiling so brightly at me and so was Will.

If you could box a moment, this would be a moment to box. I could not describe how happy I felt. I would have been equally as happy if our baby was a boy. It was just the feeling of knowing, and it feeling so, so real!

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Holly left us to go home when we got into town after whispering 'I know Will has so much to say', and I promised that I would come over to see her tomorrow (as it was her 21st) but that I didn't want to go to the party when I was so heavy. She seemed content with that and then she left. It was glad she understood... if only Keira was being as supportive! She may just be busy with her degree but she could atleast text every once in a while, surely?