Please Stay

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

It was a relief to not have to go to work anymore, I was glad that I could concentrate on trying to be relaxed and comfortable but I felt so sore and achy. I could feel my little girls head was pressing down, I knew that it was going to be soon but I wondered if I'd end up going full term. I felt like crying, all the time. I really just wanted to go into labour and have my little girl in my arms, and yet I was so scared. I had been adamant through out my pregnancy that all would be well, and ultrasounds, midwife and doctors appointments had shown me that I was having a healthy baby, but I always denied my fear that something would go wrong. As I approached 37 weeks, I was so relieved to be hitting full term, because I felt a little safer. Of course, my fear of labour had increased but I knew that it was pain that was temporary and it would be worth it.

"It's going to be soon, I think," I told Will the night that I turned 37 weeks, "I feel so rubbish, I can finally go to the loo, I know she's coming soon."

"But how many weeks pregnant are you? I thought you were 36? 37?" He said, putting a hand on my bump.

"37 weeks today," I sighed, "I'm full term, but it's still considered a little early."

"She kicked me!" He laughed,  rubbing my bump.

"I know, I felt it," I smiled. Every kick reminded me my little one was strong and healthy.

"Well, we have everything ready for her, don't we?" He asked, glancing at the wooden box of changing materials that sat by the TV stand. I smiled. The Moses basket was sat by our sofa, I imagined our little daughter happily asleep in there and I blossomed.

.

.

.

YOW!

I woke up in shock the following morning, a pain had just seared through me. Labour? Well, it can't be Braxton hicks! I looked at the clock, it was 10:37am. I'd had five hours of broken sleep. I wanted to sleep some more. My waters? I checked the bed. No wet substance on the bed... Apparently it would be smelly. I laid back down, I had a feeling I would soon know. Nine minutes later another contraction. Yes, this time I was sure it was contractions.

I texted Will to say that it was starting and he replied to say he would be home by lunch time. I decided to try and sleep a little, the contractions weren't too intense at the moment so it was worth trying to rest.

I found I couldn't sleep but I decided that getting a shower and attempting to shave my legs would be a good idea, and it would pass some time. I heaved my aching body into the bathroom and rubbed some Veet on to my legs, badly, and turned on the shower. Another contraction had me clenching the sink for dear life. Thankfully it passed quickly and I jumped into the shower, not caring about the time limit for the hair removal cream - I just wanted some comfort and to wash my hair before the next one!

When Will got home and we began timing the contractions and 4 hours later when they were 5 minutes apart, Will called the hospital to say we were coming and then we phoned a taxi. He grabbed my hospital bag and baby seat and by the time I'd got down the stairs the taxi had arrived.

At the hospital, I waited in the room to be examined for a good fifteen minutes and then a midwife came in all friendly and began asking questions before examining me. Which was awkward, and very uncomfortable. My dignity was not yet phased by the pain.

"You are 2cm's dilated so we can't take you to a delivery room yet," She told me. I wanted to cry. I had been experiencing contractions for about 6 hours now. From 10:37! Soon it would be tea time!

"I... where can I go?" I asked.

"You have to wait around I'm sorry to say, but I'd advise that you walk around," She smiled, "You are close to two and half and some more pressure will help."

"I feel enough pressure," I said, nearly beginning to cry. I laughed it away, "I'm sure I can manage to walk around."

"I'm going to check the baby's heart now," She then said, and then the Doppler came out and the sound of my baby's heartbeat filled the room. I was so pleased.

Of course, I then spent the next twenty minutes pacing around the hospital, having contractions and feeling mellow. I was breathing through every contraction, grabbing Will's shirt for support, leaning on his chest. And as we made our way back to the assessment area, I had one that literally made me yelp, and then I felt a pop sensation! And water trickled down my legs.

"My waters!" I exclaimed. A midwife passed me and turned around.

"Your waters?" She repeated, I nodded, "Let's see if you have progressed."

And soon I was being examined again. I was happy to find that I was 3cms, and that I could go into the delivery ward. I just wanted to be in that room, I wanted to sit on that large bouncing ball. I had a feeling it would help, and I really wanted that gas and air too because I wasn't coping very well with the contractions anymore. I also wanted something to eat for I was starving!

Time passed, the contractions grew worse and night arrived. I was starting to cry now, but I didn't want that epidural. I really wanted that water birth! But by 10:20pm, nearly 12 hours in, I was only 6 and half centimetres dilated. I was tired of my waters leaking, and my strapless dress was beginning to bug me.

I couldn't wait to have my little girl in my arms but the pain was so intense, I was getting so frustrated. I was breathing through the pains that were barely a minute apart. I was so tired, but something told me that the 21st of September was not the arrival date of my little cub.

And I was correct because midnight came and I was 8cms dilated and though I wanted to push, my midwife didn't want to let me until I was at least 9cms. I decided to get into the birthing pool as 2am approached.

"I'm so proud of you," Will whispered, holding my hand as I lowered myself into the birthing pool. The water was at a comforting temperature, I really wanted to give birth in here. I wondered if I would get my water birth.

"I want to push," I cried, as another contraction had me gripping the bath tub in terror.

"Have you noticed Will, she keeps letting go of you when she had a contraction?" The midwife said.

"Don't wanna hurt you," I sobbed, reaching for the gas and air.

"Bless her," the midwife smiled and then she turned to me, "Josie, you are doing so well, your baby is on her way and I'm sure you will meet her soon, you are so close now, so close."

And so I spent another half hour in the bath trying to breathe but then it just got too much.

"I want to push, I want an epidural, I want something stronger," I whimpered, "Please?"

"We can't give you the epidural now, I'm sorry," the midwife said, "Shall we check that you are fully dilated?"

I nodded and back on the bed, the midwife went to check, "There's no need! The head is there. You are ready to push!"

For a brief moment, I was mad because I could have had a water birth, but then I realised that it was time to push and I didn't mind. I wanted my healthy baby girl in my arms. And then the pushing process began...

"Here she is!" A midwife said, as another got a towel ready, "Breathe for me, breathe..."

"Welcome little one!" The other midwife said, "You've done it!"

The agony of labour and pushing her out seemed to disintegrate as they quickly rubbed my daughter and laid her on my chest. I let out a cry. The cry contained relief, joy and love. My hands supported her, and she was so perfect and so beautiful!

"Born at 3.12am, your beautiful baby daughter," The midwife smiled, as I kissed her head. I looked at Will, who was crying, grinning at the both of us. I felt my world was complete.