Please Stay

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

A calm, steady couple of weeks had passed and I'd been in a good mood since the cot bed had been put up. The mattress was still in it's covers but it'd been put in the cot, and the starter-bedding was still in it's packaging inside the cot. I had started to build up a lot of baby-vests and grows and although they stayed in the bags I'd bought them, I noticed that the cot was starting to fill. It was time to get some sort of cupboard for the little one.

"I'm going to clear out that square room for our daughter," Will smiled as we tucked into fish and chips. I noticed that he lit up a little when he said our daughter, and this made me feel so good.

"That's so good of you!" I exclaimed.

The square room had Will's computer in it on which he plays all sorts of games on that I find rather irritating, but I have noticed he rarely plays on it anymore.

"So, this computer will have to be sold," Will added, "I've got my eye on a laptop."

"Well it's a lot less space... this is good timing you know, I'm needing somewhere to put clothes and other things that I'm wanting to buy but it's a bit soon yet."

"Well, I'm planning to do it this weekend," he said, "Now, you're 24 weeks, I think we should have anything for when your 36 weeks."

"I've got quite a bit left over from my last pay cheque. I'm getting scared now, about being a Mum, like a birth is scaring me a little more but most of all, I'm scared that I won't be the good mother I want to be, the whole thing is getting very scary in lots of different ways," I confessed.

"Well, I've read that all mums-to-be feel like this, I read that you've just got to believe that everything will go right and that you will pick it up. I thought you were on netmums honey?" He asked.

"I am but it doesn't matter how much I read or how much advise I'm given, I'm not put at ease completely, the worry does come and go, but there's just so much to think about..."

"Stop worrying babe, I believe in you, it's time you realised you can do this."

Those words meant so much to me, I almost started crying but I managed not to as I continued eating my tea. We looked at each other for a couple of moments, brightly smiling at each other, but the eye contact got so intense that I got shy and had to look away blushing slightly.

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Finally, the month of July! The month of my birthday. This was my 20th birthday that I was waiting for, and by the time I got there I would be 28 weeks. I imagined that I would be huge by then but I did realise that I wasn't all that big, I just felt so heavy that my bump felt huge. The reality of my 24 week bump was that my little one was tiny, and it was mainly amniotic fluid that was weighing me down. Although it was good to keep an eye on how many weeks I was, it was always nicer to say that I was 6 months pregnant because it made my due date sound closer.

Midwife appointments were getting more interesting as well as more frequent. Alice was starting to talk about getting my birth plan in order and I was supposed to be reviewing information later on in the week, when I become 25 weeks, as well checking my blood pressure and the rest of it.

I had been quite keen on the idea of a water birth but that was all depending on how I'd cope with the pain and whether or not I'd end up getting the epidural. I was more concerned with how long I'd be in labour and if Will would feel the same about me after seeing me give birth. Little niggling worries buried themselves in my mind, and I was starting to have very vivid dreams about my little one - and some horrible ones at that! I'd wake up sweating and crying, and it would take a while for me to settle off, at least the little one kicked me a lot during the night, I needed that to confirm she was alright.

Once again, I needed Holly, who yet again had forgotten most of her pregnancy, for advice. I didn't want to ask Louise because I was paranoid that she was telling Harriet and I wasn't all that close to my step-mum. It seemed that Keira had abandoned me, and nobody else was wanting to text me either. I was so tempted to Facebook back up, but I found just enough consolation when on Netmums to keep me sane!

I couldn't say for sure whether it was my hormones but pregnancy was becoming very tough on me, I could deal with the physical struggle for now because it wasn't too bad but emotionally I was becoming exhausted. I could only hope that I would be able to stay at work until I was around 8 months!