Please Stay

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

I was suspicious that my boss would lay me off but it seemed she genuinely wanted to speak with me about me wanting to end my contract in private when she was less busy. I was relieved when she was happy to accept my resignation. I was relieved to think I was leaving in four weeks. Although, with the way I felt this morning, I was sure a lot of that would be spent absent. I was far too tired, too heavy and stroppy.

Could anybody blame me for feeling this way? I was told my bump was 'mainly water' content but that my daughter should be around 3.3pounds, she should also be growing as well as gaining weight. She wasn't too squished yet either so she was somersaulting, booting every inch of me and she seemed to be playing patty-cake with the top of my bump throughout the night. Of course, I didn't mind. Well, it got frustrating not being able to sleep but the magic I felt knowing that she was my little miracle, growing inside me made me happy. It sometimes felt as though this was her way of communicating with me, showing me I wasn't alone, and I couldn't wait to have her in my arms. I nearly had everything I needed for her.

I was glad to hear that Harriet, Dad, Joe and Lily were coming around with some baby gifts for me the night I got home. I texted Will to tell him that they would be here when he got home and he just put a big grinning smiley with three kisses as a reply: Somebody's in a good mood to say we can no longer have sex, and I no longer want anything more than a kiss and cuddle...

"Hello love," Harriet grinned, "You've gotten big!" I smiled back but inside I was shouting sarcastic remarks.

"Hey love," Dad smiled, "Look at you."

He looked as though he was proud of me, and then as they all took their footwear off I waddled into the living room, asking who would like drinks, although I would have loved to just plonked down on the sofa and made them make tea for themselves.

"Well, we've got your stuff in the car so we'll bring it in soon, we have quite a bit," Harriet grinned.

"Thank you," I smiled, "I've almost got everything for little one. Will is getting enthusiastic about it, he's cleared out the little room and all her drawers have got her clothes in, which I've washed..."

"Is the cot in there?" Harriet asked. Dad switched the channel over on the TV, I noticed that Lily and Joe were getting quite bored so that was a good thing. Dad also didn't want to talk baby stuff, I was happy with that.

"Nope, I'll move the cot in there once she's a bit older, I don't want to be so far away from her, I think she'll be about 1 when I move her into another room," I replied, wondering if I'd actually stick to that.

"Understandable," Harriet said, before progressing onto lecturing me on how I should bring my daughter up. Although I knew that she was only trying to advice me and give me tips, I didn't want to hear it, I'd read books, watched programmes on parenting, spent half my pregnancy on the internet researching being a new mum and reading advice that new mums give to each other. Maybe it was just third trimester blues, but I was irritated by it.

Of course, I then felt guilty when they carried a bag of baby clothes and socks, two boxes of nappies, a box of wipes, three packets of changing mats and a large tub of Sudocrem in. I hadn't bought any because I was aware that I would be receiving these nappies but I wasn't sure how many. I noticed one box was New-born and the other was size 1. I was very thankful but I knew I might not use all the new-born but I'd probably need another packet of size 1.

Even though it was nice to see them, I was relieved when they left before Will came back. I considered moving the size 1 box to the baby room by myself but as I didn't know just how heavy it was I didn't want to risk anything. However, I took all the tags and stickers off of the baby clothes and packs of socks and put them in the washing machine on the shortest wash, so I could put them in the drawers.

As I sat and watched T.V, waiting for Will to get home and the washing to finish, I sat and wondered how my real Mum had felt at this stage. Did she love me like I loved my child? Did she ever want children? Would she be proud of me? I couldn't help but let a few tears slip when I thought about her leaving me when I was still a baby. I couldn't imagine wanting to leave my baby. I'd researched post natal many times from being a young teenager, and I'd also realised that you could get help for it. Maybe she was scared of me being taken? But she left. Maybe there were factors I didn't know about, maybe it was her relationship with Dad? I pulled a pillow to my bump, whispering the word 'mum' softly.

"I won't leave you, baby," I whispered to my bump.

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I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the unmistakeable sound of Will coming back from work. I wanted to stay asleep, but I remembered that there were clothes in the washing machine that needed seeing to. Those clothes needed to be put in the dryer.

"Hello love, been asleep?" Will said, with a massive grin plastered on his face. I nodded, slightly struggling to get up off of the sofa.

"You alright?" I asked, "You look chuffed!"

"Babe," He said, "I've been promoted!"

"Oh my! That's... amazing!" We kissed and hugged.

"Takeaway tonight!" He laughed.

We both knew the promotion meant that we had more money but I also knew that Will was quite an ambitious person and he would be very pleased with himself, I was very proud of my man. As he made cups of tea, I loaded the dryer - using the washing basket that was just for baby clothes - another thing I'd realised was helpful, and it was one of ours. I'd used separate baskets for us so I hadn't spent any money, which I felt proud of.

We ordered pizza and chips later that night and sat down together, it had turned out to be a great Friday but I realised too late that heartburn would be the result of a greasy takeaway.

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I spent a lot of time awake on Saturday night thanks to a suspected water infection. I sat on the toilet lid with just a towelling robe on, waiting for the bath to run. I wasn't sure if it would help, it just made sense that it might make me more comfortable. I was in so much pain with it. I'd had four of these nasty water infections in the last 2 and half months and I was just about sick of them. I would be calling my midwife as soon as the morning arrived.

I spent a good hour in the bath, trying not to wince every two minutes. I decided to text Holly;

I know it's a stupid time of night to text but im in a lot of pain:( if your still awake, text me please?x

I got a reply after ten minutes;

I was asleep but i'm worried now, what's wrong?x

I told her what was wrong and she told me that I should drink a sip worth of cranberry juice every day, and I should start drinking red berry tea at least once a day too. She told me to get out of the bath, put some Sudocrem on myself and go to bed. I decided that was a wise thing to do and so I did just that.

Thank heavens for Holly!