She's Gone and I'm Lost

01 | Marleen

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01 | Marleen

December 21st | 3:16 pm

She always loved the stars. Sleepless nights, spent staring into the heavens. From a distance they were just lights, twinkling in the dark sky. But she wanted to look at them closer, to see the twisting, fiery wrath she knew they possessed. They were beautiful, yet chaotic at the same time. But, in all honesty, weren't we all?

Except, with people, no one bothers to look closer. No one wants to see the more dangerous, darker, side of beauty. And sometimes, if you take the time to look close enough, you'll see that dark is more beautiful than the shimmering cover. The darkness wasn't just black; it had deep shades of indigo, florid violet, and azure. Next time you look into the sky, don't only notice the bleakness of black. Look closer and see the sapphires, the amethyst, the gems of the sky. And don't look at the stars and think of them as diamonds, think of them as pearls, gleaming with innocence.

The problem is, the darkness inside us all is hidden deep within and far away. Sometimes it's so far away, buried too deep within, that it is nearly impossible to get to. She never got to see a star up close, never got to see the other perspective. And I didn't see the darkness within her until it was too late. I never saw the pain and suffering until it was nonexistent. And I'm not sure if that was for the better, or for the worse.

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Everyone has that one friend that changes you for the better. You tell them all of your secrets because you trust them with your life, and you listen to them when they need someone to hear them. This person comes into your life at the most unsuspected moments, exactly when you seem to need them. They're there for you through thick and thin and wouldn't leave you for the world.

My name is Danika Acqua, and I once had a friend like this.

Her name was Alexandra, but she would murder you if you called her that. She went by Alex instead. Alex and I had been friends since we were infants because our parents were close. She always came over to my house since she lived in the same neighborhood as me. We were friends since the beginning and we remained friends until the end. And by the end, I mean the day Alex died.

Yes, Alex is dead now.

But I'm not ready to talk about her death yet, so let's talk about our happier memories.

For a long time, it was just me and Alex, fighting against the world and living as the underdogs. When we were kids, around the age of six, we were at the stage where we wanted to explore. So we did. Every day we would march into the woods, thinking that we were professional explorers ready to experience every aspect of the world. We had binoculars of two cardboard tubes taped together and we had little plastic compasses that never seemed to pointed north. Alex and I made up an entire new world within that forest. We would pretend that we were in a jungle. The dark oaks and pines that created the dense forest were replaced with palm trees and other exotic specimens by our imagination. One day, we found a small stream. It was only deep enough to splash around our ankles, but we pretended that we had found a river. Instead of walking through it, we let our imaginations take over. We pretended it was deep and swift. We pretended there were crocodiles in it, snipping at our feet. The next day, we brought twine to tie together a few logs. We used this as a bridge, even though the stream was small enough to hop over.

It was around that time when we met Marleen. A cute little girl with blonde pig tails. She had recently moved to our neighborhood and our parents thought we should play together. Marleen came to my house just as Alex and I were pulling on our boots to go exploring.