She's Gone and I'm Lost

08 | the truth

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08 | the truth

December 30th | 7:18 am

Marleen and I decided to drive to my house first before meeting up with Will. When the truck was parked in the driveway, we just sat in silence for a few minutes. We needed those few minutes to absorb and accept everything that had just happened. Alex was dead. And we had just attended her funeral.

I sighed, and then nodded towards the house with my head. Marleen got the gesture, and we both walked inside. It was silent. Stella was still at my grandmother's house and my parents were probably somewhere in the house, worrying about me. Marleen and I changed out of our funeral clothes. I was grateful for the change. I didn't need the reminder that she was gone. But I was about to confront Will, which would be a huge cue for my mind to wander to the fact. Once we were both ready to go, I set off to find my parents. I hadn't been around the house much lately with the trip to the cabin, trip to the hospital, and funeral service. I was suddenly hit with a worry that they wouldn't let me go out, especially if they didn't know exactly where I was going.

I found them talking in the kitchen, most likely about me. I leaned outside the door frame, listening for a few seconds. "It just doesn't make sense," I heard my dad say. "No one else in their family had that problem."

My mom replied with a sigh, "I know."

When I walked in, they stopped talking. "Hello, dear," my mom greeted. "What's up?"

'Oh, you know, just mourning my best friend's death,' I wanted to say. But, of course, I didn't. I came there for a reason, and that reason wasn't to make sarcastic comments about death to my mom. "Marleen and I were going to take a ride around the neighborhood. I just wanted to see if that was okay with you guys."

My mom and dad shared a look, and seemed to come to a silent agreement. I tried to push away the memories of all the times I did that with Alex. We could communicate without even speaking to each other. "Okay," my mom said.

"Okay?" I asked. They weren't going to ask any more questions? Where had my strict parents gone?

"Okay," my dad replied. "Just don't stay out too late." He offered a small smile and I wanted to smile too, but I couldn't, not yet.

"We won't," I said. And then I went back to my room.

"What's the verdict?" Marleen asked as I walked in. She was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't help but notice the dark circles under her eyes. I wondered if she had nightmares too.

"They said we can go. But not to stay out late, so we better get going soon."

"Alright," she said, jumping off the bed. "Let's go." I stuffed the notes from Alex and the star map into my coat pocket, and then we made our way back outside. I waved at my parents as we passed the kitchen. I found myself wondering what they were talking about before I interrupted, but quickly pushed the matter into the 'Analyze Later' section of my brain. I had other things to worry about.

Marleen drove since she was the one that knew where Will lived. We rode in silence, it seemed like every drive was like this nowadays. I looked out the window, admiring the trees along the road. They were tall and dark and they had a winter look to them. I wondered if it was going to snow any this winter. The trees rushed past in a blur of green and I imagined what they would look like with a white blanket of snow covering them. I easily got distracted by the blurred colors and I didn't even realize how much time was flying by. In what seemed like no time, Marleen parked the truck. We were at the end of a short trail that lead to a house set back into the woods.