Crossroads

I promise

I pressed the pillow against my face while I cried my eyes out.

I didn't have the energy to do something. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to blink, cause every single part of my body hurt.

The bell rang and I heard it from my bed.

I had totally forgotten..today was daddy's day..

And that one ringing the bell is Jordan. This couldn't be better.

I ran to the bathroom and washed my face to look like I wasn't crying at all. It was pointless..my eyes were red like tomatoes and my face looked like a mess.

I rushed over to Max's room.

"Honey your dad is here!"

I shouted from the door, I didn't want him to see me like that either.

"Ok mom! I'll go open the door!"

He answered.

"I'll go down in a minute"

I said and went back to my bedroom.

I took a deep breath, rubbed my face and went downstairs.

He was standing at the door, Max was already inside his car.

"You don't look good"

He said.

"I'm just tired Jordan..don't forget today he has karate lessons, and he needs to change clothes, also you have to put an extra wat.."

He cut me off.

"Chris..it's ok. I know what to do. You know I know you more than that. It's me...what's wrong?"

"You don't get to ask those things anymore. Don't pretend to care."

"It actually hurts that you think I'm pretending.."

He whispered and turned around to go to his car.

I just stood still and waved goodbye to Max as the car left.

I stood there in the front door for a couple of minutes. Just thinking about what he told me.

I closed the door and went up to my room.

It was so quiet..It felt..it just felt awful. Standing there alone.

I grabbed my phone and called Matt. He wasn't answering. I sat on the edge of the bed and tears fell to the floor. I missed him so much. And the thought of loosing him made me feel sick.

I tried to call him again.

Nothing. I literally started feeling sick and ran to the bathroom, as I threw up everything but my soul.

I sat on the bathroom floor, just picturing myself at this moment. I'm miserable. What would my fans say if they saw me right now. I'm not what I say I am...I am no fighter..I'm nothing like a fighter. I'm such a disapointment.

I felt like I was going to throw up again. Wait..oh my..

And then it hit me. Out of nowhere it hit me.

I hadn't had my period in two months. Two months...that means..oh god..

I'm preagnant.