Malec One-Shots (boyxboy)

I Need You

Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit

Trigger Warning: read if you aren't heavily affected by extreme feels.

~Alec's p.o.v.~

It has been three weeks since that day. Three weeks since he left me. Three weeks since my heart broke into a million tiny pieces, that only he can put back together.

It feels like a thousand tiny paper cuts everyday. I haven't come out of my room at all. I haven't eaten, I don't talk to anyone. The only thing I have done is lay in my bed and cry. Occasionally checking for missed calls or text messages from him. I get nothing every time.

Sometimes Jace, Izzy, Clary, or Simon come in to talk to me. Only to be responded with one worded answers.

I remembered his last words to me. 'Aku cinta kamu.' He told me he loved me, but that it would never work. And it was completely my fault. If I hadn't even talked to Camille, I would still have him. I shouldn't of even had to consider shortening his life. I should have refused as soon as she offered it to me.

Now I had lost the one thing I loved with my heart and soul. I had started sobbing again, and couldn't stop. I kept brooding on these thought while uncontrollably sobbing, until I fell asleep.

This is how most nights went, crying myself to sleep. I awoke to the sound of my door opening. It was Isabelle, she had no doubt come to help me. "Alec, please talk to me." she said with desperation in her voice.

"It hurts so much." I couldn't keep this to myself anymore. "It feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart every moment without him. I love him so much, but I had to ruin it. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. Why do I ruin everything good in my life?" I started sobbing again.

"Alec, you haven't ruined everything. You still have us, your family. You are beautiful, and the most selfless person I have ever met. And if Magnus can't see that, then he can fuck off. But Alec I can't stand seeing you like this, and neither can anybody else! You haven't eaten anything in three weeks, let alone slept!"

"I know, but I just can't get over him. He was the light to my dark, the one person I could call mine. And I ruined it by my stupid mistake. Now if you could just leave me alone. I don't feel like talking anymore." I said as I turned away from her and buried myself in the covers still sobbing.

When I stopped crying I just laid in bed for several hours thinking about Magnus. I trusted him with my life, then betrayed him. What kind of boyfriend does that?

Memories of him just kept on playing through my head. Like when he first kissed me and I fell down the stairs. Or when I first laid my eyes on him, he was in his underwear at one of his famous parties. Every time we cuddled in each others arms.

I couldn't take it anymore. Am I even good enough for him? No one will ever love me again. I am utterly and completely worthless.

Thought's like this just kept on going through my head, until I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and walked to my private bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw a despicable man that I hate more than anything.

I looked around searching for something. I found it in the cabinet and brought it to my wrist. The blade touched my wrist and I made several deep cuts along each arm.