I woke up stiff and sore and in an unfamiliar bed. I don't think I'd moved an inch all night. I wondered where I was for a second before the events of the previous night came crashing back into my mind so hard that it took my breath away. I clutched at my chest as I tried to regulate my breathing. I looked across to Oli's bed, only to find it empty. I leaned over and grabbed the note she had left on the pillow.
Gone for coffee, back soon. Don't overthink things. Oli x
She knew me too well. I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. I glared at my phone, which was still turned off from the night before. I wanted to speak to Brian, I wanted to scream at him...but at the same time I didn't want to see him ever again. Sighing I turned my phone on, I hadn't decided what I was going to do but I wanted to text Oli at the very least.
The second my phone booted up, I started getting notifications. Text messages, missed calls and voice mails. Ignoring them all, I text Oli to tell her I was awake. I wanted to get out of yesterday's clothes but I had nothing to change into, all my things were still at Brian's. Groaning realising that I had no choice but to talk to him now, I dialled Brian's number.
He picked up on the first ring. "Shae..." He breathed.
Hearing his voice almost broke me. Calling him had been a mistake. I needed to get off the phone as quickly as possible. "Can you bring my things to the hotel please?" I asked quietly.
"Please don't do this Shae."
"If you can't, I'll sort out getting them myself..." I sighed.
"Let me see you, let me explain..." He pleaded.
I cut him off, suddenly angry. "No Brian. Just answer the fucking question. Can you bring my stuff here or not?"
He sighed. I could picture him running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Yeah sure. I'll be there in an hour."I couldn't just sit around waiting, so I stole an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts out of Oli's case and hopped in the shower. I turned the water temperature up as high as I could stand it and let the water fall over me. I stood there, lost in my own thoughts for so long that when I heard a knock at the door, it shocked me.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I muttered as I jumped out of the shower, almost slipping and cracking my head off the sink. "Bollocks." I threw Oli's clothes onto my still wet body, grabbed my hair tie from the side and ran out of the bathroom. I swung the door open as I tied my hair up and came face to face with Brian."I tried to call, you didn't answer..." He explained.
I shrugged. "I was in the shower."
"So I see..." He tried to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. I went to take my bag from him but he pulled it out of my reach. "Can we talk?" He asked softly.
I stuttered and stumbled over my words. "I...we...I don't..." I sighed, giving in. "Fine." Brian went to step inside the room, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him. My breathing caught as I felt the heat from his body, the pounding of his heart. If he came in, I knew what would happen. As hurt as I was, all I wanted right then was to feel him and to forget last night.
I took my bag from him and threw it on the bed. I picked up the room key and walked out of the room. I shut the door behind me and pointed at the floor next to the door. "Sit."Brian slid down the wall and leant back. I sat down on the opposite side of the corridor and crossed my legs Indian style. I raised my eyebrows at him. He wanted to talk, so he could talk.
"She's a runner on the show. Her name's Natasha." He started. I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him while he spoke. "We were hooking up for a couple of months before we left for the UK, but it wasn't anything serious. When we got back, I guess she expected to pick up where we left off. I just tried to ignore her and to focus on you instead."
I looked at him as he paused, he had his head in his hands. I had a feeling the worst was coming now. He took a deep breath and started talking again. "I'd had a really shitty day, and the thought of going home and you not being there was killing me so I went to a bar round the corner from the studios. I just wanted to get so drunk that I couldn't think."
"I remember that night, you text me saying you couldn't Skype..." I interrupted.
Brian nodded. "I didn't want you to worry when I didn't call. I don't really remember much else from the night, Tash...Natasha...she must have turned up at some point because the next thing I remember was waking up with a stinking hangover and her beside me."I felt my chest tighten as he spoke, I couldn't listen to any more. "Please. Stop." I whispered.
"I felt terrible. I know we weren't official but I'd still betrayed you. I kicked her out and told her that it was never happening again, that I had you, and that was all I wanted. She didn't listen. She still text me constantly, tried to talk to me at work. She said that this was just a fad, a novelty that would soon wear off. I swear I've never wanted to smack a woman so much in my life."
"Yeah we'll get in line." I muttered as I stood. He smiled sadly.
"I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yup."
Brian stood and took my hand. I tried to pull away but he held tight. "Please Shae, I will regret this for the rest of my life. Please don't give up on us."
I put my other hand on top of his, and pried my hand free. "You should go." I said quietly.
"Ok." Brian nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I really am sorry, Shae. More than you'll ever know."I walked inside the hotel room and closed the door, before collapsing onto the floor and letting all the tears that I'd held back flow.