I sat on the bed with my bag, clothes everywhere. I was trying to decide what to wear and pack ready for the leaving the following day. In the end, I decided to just throw on jeans, a plain tee and my hoody. I wasn't in the mood to make an effort and it would probably get colder later on. I stuffed the rest of my clothes back into my bag and sat back while I waited for Oli to finish doing her hair. She looked at me in the mirror and smiled sadly.
"Come on Shae, you've got to snap out of this. Just enjoy today, we're leaving tomorrow."
"I know," I sighed. "I'm trying."
She turned and picked something out of her bag on the floor. She threw the small bottle of Jack Daniels at me. "Let's get this party started early, hey?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
"That is the best idea you've had all day," I replied as I jumped up to get glasses. I poured a large shot and downed it, savouring the warmth as it hit my stomach. After another shot, I poured a third with the intention of throwing it back but Oli stopped me.
"Dude, you'll be wasted before Sal gets here at this rate. Slow down."
I rolled my eyes at her and downed the shot anyway. I needed a definite buzz at the very least to get through today. I sat and nursed the rest of the bottle while we waited for Sal. Unfortunately, I still felt stone cold sober when he arrived.
"You ready?" He asked, pulling me into his side for a hug. I just shrugged.
"Let's get out of here..." I muttered.
I jumped in the back of Sal's car and stared out the window as he drove, not really taking anything in. I was vaguely aware of Oli and Sal talking, there was a lot of laughter from both of them.
We arrived sooner than I wanted. I hung back as we walked to Joe's front door. Oli grabbed my hand and pulled me in between her and Sal. She squeezed my hand tightly. "It'll be fine." She reassured me. I could only nod.
Sal knocked on the door and we were greeted by an over enthusiastic Joe. "Hey guys, come on in, come on in. Drinks are in the kitchen, everyone else is in the garden with the food. I've just got to check on Milana, Sal you know what to do." Sal led us through into the kitchen where I immediately headed to the drinks, pouring myself a large whiskey. I leaned back against the counter, it sounded like there were more people than just the guys here. As I moved towards the window, I heard Sal mutter.
"Shit." He turned towards me. "Fuck, Shae. I didn't know..."
"Know what?" I stepped towards him but he tried to block my view. I slapped him away. "Stop it, you idiot. What's the matter?"
He sighed, stepping out of my way. "I didn't know Joe had invited...the whole crew." He glanced at Oli, then back at me. It sunk in. She was here. Natasha.
I looked out the door and I froze. Brian was stood talking to Casey, and there was tanned, leggy, bleached blonde thing hovering by the people behind them. That had to be her. I carefully put my glass down, because I was either going to throw it a wall or throw it at her, and turned to leave.
"Nope. Can't do this. I've got to get out of here."
Sal grabbed ahold of me and pulled me into his arms.
"Fuck that. You have done nothing wrong here. Do not let her get to you, she'll only think she's won."
"Sal's right," Oli added, rubbing my back. "She sees you upset, she will automatically think that she has got him right back where she wants him."
"Urgh you're right. I know you are. But it's just so hard. I keep picturing them together and it makes me want to hurl."
Sal pushed me off him quickly. "Just don't do it on me!" I laughed loudly, he had successfully diffused the situation. Unfortunately, it also caught the attention of the people outside.
Within seconds, Brian had rushed inside, a look of relief on his face. "You came." He smiled.
I shrugged. "Yeah well, I wanted to say by to Joe and Murr." His face dropped slightly but at that moment, I didn't care. I was aware of Sal and Oli leaving the room and closing the door behind them to give us a little privacy.
"I didn't know she would be here, Shae. I promise. Joe doesn't know what's gone on, so he didn't know not to invite her." I headed back over to the counter, picking my glass back up and filling it again.
"I can't even think about her right now, Brian. It is taking every fibre of my being to keep it together."
Brian grabbed a beer out of the cooler and held out his other hand to me. "Come on." I raised my eyebrows at him. "Please..."
I sighed and indicated for him to go wherever he was going, but I didn't take his hand.
I followed him out the front door and onto the porch. He sat down on a large swing and patted the seat beside him. I rolled my eyes and sat down, kicking my pumps off and pulling my knees up to my chest.
"Is she the reason you never wanted to make anything official between us?" I couldn't look him. I rested my chin on my knees and stared into the street.
"Uh...well, not really. But it did have something to do with it in a way, I guess..." I waited for him to continue. "It made me realise just how much I wanted you in my life. But, I knew that if you knew...well I knew this would happen. And I didn't want that."
"So you just decided not to tell me." I said flatly. "You made me think that I actually meant something to you. The way you behaved, the way to treated me, introducing me to your parents. All that shit. Oli put it perfectly, we were in a relationship just without the title. I just thought you were scared, because of your past, and I got that. I understood. And I was willing to be whatever you needed." I shook my head sadly. "I said to myself I wasn't gonna fall for you, that we were just having a bit of fun. Turns out I already had and now...well how could I ever trust you again?" I stood up from the swing and walked inside without looking back.
I took a deep breath to calm myself before walking into the garden. I walked over to Oli and the guys with a smile on my face. I wasn't going to give Natasha the satisfaction of seeing me upset. Sal silently questioned if I was ok and I shrugged, giving him a small smile. He instantly put on his show face and had me laughing in seconds. We teased Murr about the bow tie he was wearing, cried laughing as Joe tried to stuff as many biscuits as he could into his mouth. We did shots and kept drinking. Oli turned the music up louder and we started to dance with Sal. As much fun as I was having, I could see Brian sitting alone on the decking. Just watching. His eyes sadder than I have ever seen. As I turned away, I caught a blonde head towards him out of the corner of my eye.
Alcohol feeling my thoughts, I spun around. "Fuck this." I muttered and I marched over to Brian, ignoring Oli and Sal trying to stop me.
