I spent the next couple of days holed up at Joe's house. Joe had stayed up with me talking til the early hours of the morning after he picked me up, trying to convince me to stay with Brian. To say my head was fucked would be an understatement. I was still awake the following morning when Joe left for their last day of work before Christmas. He gave me a hug and told me to try and get some sleep before giving his wife and daughter a kiss goodbye.
I spent the morning playing with Milana while Bessy wrapped Christmas presents. My heart swelled as Milana giggled and laughed as we played with her toys. I didn't realise that I was crying until Bessy asked what was wrong.
I shook my head and said I was fine. Bessy slid down to the floor beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.
"Shae, I don't mean to pry and you can tell me to get lost if you want but...are you pregnant?" I didn't even have the energy to deny it. I nodded as more tears fell down my face. "I thought so, I found out super early with Milana because Joe kept noticing that my emotions were all over the place. Looks like you're the same." She smiled kindly. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here ok?"
Bessy gave me a hug, kissed the top of her daughters head and resumed wrapping presents.
I picked Milana up and walked over to the window with her. "What am I going to do about your Uncle Q, eh Milana?" I said quietly. "What do you think?" I looked at her and laughed as she blew spit bubbles. "Fat lot of good you are, you little monkey." I quickly found that I didn't want to put Milana down. She was the most adorable little girl, and seeing Joe and Bessy with her warmed my heart. I wanted that. Ideally I wanted that with Brian, but I could and would do it on my own if necessary.
I offered to cook dinner for Joe and Bessy as a thank you for letting me intrude on them this close to Christmas. As we sat and ate, I tried to forget about everything that was going on. We talked about Sal and Oli, who were getting ever closer as the days went on. I was happy for them both. Joe briefly mentioned that Casey looked like a lost puppy at work, and I made a mental note to get Oli to talk to him at some point.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and quickly dug it out. I frowned as I looked at the unfamiliar number on the screen. It wasn't any of the guys, I had their numbers. I excused myself from the table and wandered outside, wondering who could be calling this late in the evening.
"Hello?"
"Is this Shae?" A gravelly voice asked abruptly
"This is she. Who's this?"
"My name's Bryan. I'm a good friend of Q's. Listen, have you spoken to him?"
"No...why?"
"He should have been here to record a podcast but he's not turned up and he's not answering his phone. He'd never miss one without letting me know..."
My heart dropped. I was vaguely aware of Bryan still talking on the phone.
"Erm Bryan, I'm at Joe's. I'm going to get back to Brian...Q's house and see if he's there. Will you let me know if you hear anything?" Bryan promised he would and I ended the call quickly.
I turned and Joe was stood at the door. "What do you need?" He asked kindly.
"Can you take me home please Joey?" I was barely keeping it together. I couldn't believe he had gone. Again.
I was silent in the car back to Staten Island, staring blankly out of the window. Joe was also uncharacteristically quiet. I glanced at him, and was surprised to see his mouth set in an angry line and his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. "Joey?"
His eyes softened as he looked at me. "I'm sorry Shae, I am just so pissed at Quinn. Taking off like that. Especially with you being..." I had to laugh as Joe's mouth dropped when he realised he had dropped himself in it.
"Joey, I honestly didn't expect Bessy not to tell you. It's cool." I smiled kindly. "Sal knows too. Should probably tell Murray though, he'll hate it when he finds out he was the last to know." My smile faltered. "Should probably sort all this shit out first though, it may not matter who knows in the end. Where could he have gone, Joe?"
Oli all but pulled me out of the car when we stopped outside Brian's house. Sal wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't help but break down. He ushered me into the house and sat me on the sofa. I was all too aware that I was sat in the same place as when Brian left before. I watched as Joe and Sal rang around their friends, unsuccessfully trying to locate Brian. A while later, Murr arrived looking confused. He sat down beside me as Oli explained what was going on, said nothing but gave me a big hug.
Sal returned to the den and sat down beside Oli. "He's not at his brothers. And his parents aren't answering, so we'll have to try them in the morning. How are you doing Shae?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Depending on the minute, I'm between disbelief, heartbreak and being completely fucking pissed off. When he finally bothers to return, he better hope I'm not in angry mode." I stood and stormed upstairs, slamming the bedroom door and throwing myself on the bed.
