I threw myself into my seat on the plane and immediately asked the air hostess for a large whiskey. While Oli oohed and ahhed about business class, my mind was racing a mile a minute. I downed my whiskey the second it was brought to me, and asked for another.
"What is wrong with you, woman?" Oli hissed. I shook my head. She huffed at me and got herself comfortable, putting in her headphones.
I curled up on my seat, glad of the extra space and pulled my iPad out of my bag. I quickly connected to the plane's wifi and opened FaceTime. I hovered over Brian's name, deliberating whether to call him or not. I needed to know if I had really heard what I thought, or if my brain was just making up things it thought I wanted to hear.
I nudged Oli to get her attention. She took one headphone out and glanced at me. "Sorry..." I started. "Little mini head fuck going on."
"Come on, spill it." She turned to face me, curling her feet under her on the chair.
I didn't know where to start. "So erm, when we were saying goodbye...erm Brian was kind of mumbling and I thought that he said that...he loved me..." I laughed at Oli's face, she looked exactly like the shocked emoji. "BUT I don't know for definite. And if he did, he definitely didn't mean for me to hear."
Oli slapped my arm. "Dude this is huge!!"
"No." I hit her back. "It's not. Not right now it's not. Because all that's put in my head is that he doesn't mean it and he's only saying it to get me to chill the fuck out while I'm at home and he's still here and he can do whatever the hell he likes without me on his back the whole time. What if that's the only reason he said it? IF he said it at all."
Oli rubbed the back of my hand. "Ok, word vomit. I think you just need to take a step back, calm yo tittays a little and drink this."
She handed me a glass of champagne from the attendant. "You've got two choices that I can see. You can either wait it out. See what happens, if he says it so you can actually hear it. Or you can just ask him straight out. But I know you, so I know what you will do. So just sit back, drink your champers and forget about it." She sat back him her seat, and raised her eyebrows at me.
I sat back and sipped my champagne. She was right. I was too much of a coward to say anything to Brian. In case it turned everything to shit. I knew how I felt, but right now I needed to keep my feet on the ground and my head out of clouds when it came to him. I had to give myself no expectations from Brian. I couldn't and wouldn't be hurt like this again.
As if he knew I was thinking about him, an iMessage flashed up on my iPad. It was a photo of Brooklyn, Benjamin and Chessie with a message saying we miss you :( Too sweet. I picked up my iPad and quickly took a photo of me reclining in my seat with my champagne and replied Sorry dudes, I'm living the high life courtesy of your dad :p
Within seconds, Brian had replied again. You look hot. Seriously though, wish you were still here...
I sighed. I knew if I started down this conversational route, I would get all worked up again. So I changed the subject. Me too :( So did Sal say anything about Oli?
Apparently Sal hadn't stopped talking about Oli all the way back to Staten Island. He admitted to Brian that he liked her and asked his advice on what to do. Brian had said that first things first he needed to find out what was going on with her and Casey. Yes, Oli and Sal had had drunken sex but she had been on what could be classed as dates with Casey. I said I would find out what I could.
"Don't think you can avoid talking to me about Sal." I said to Oli, turning my head towards her. "And Casey for that matter. Come on, spill it."
"Ok," Oli started. "I do like Casey, he's sweet and funny and we get on really well. But Sal is...well Sal!" I laughed, knowing exactly what she meant. She had crushed on him before she'd even met him, so of course she was going to still like him now. "And..." She grabbed my arm to emphasise her words. "Oh. My. God! Seriously Shae, last night was..."
I put my hands over my ears. "Lalalalala!! I can't hear you!" I sang. I did not want to know the innermost details of my best friend and Sal's drunken antics. I knew that Oli was a horny drunk at the best of times, and that was already too much information.
She slapped my hands away from my ears. "Ok ok." She conceded. "But let me just tell you this... He. Is. Massive!" And she gestured, just in case I wasn't sure what she meant.
"Dude! Things I don't need to know about Sal!!" I cried. Oil laughed hysterically.
"When did you become such a prude?"
I glared at her. "I'm not a prude, I just don't want to think of Sal like that. Ever." I shuddered at the thought, he had become like a big brother to me. "But seriously though...Sal or Casey. If you had to pick."
Oli didn't even hesitate before answering. "Neither." I looked at her confused. "Sorry but I could not deal with any of the shit you are. If I've got a man, I want a maximum of an hours drive between us. Not a fucking long haul flight. The last couple of days with them was fun, but nah. Fuck that shit."
