Once Upon A Slap

(33) Heartbreak

"What do you mean not going?" Kyle glared at me, seething each word. His hands were on his hips and he held a frown, reminding me of how my mother would act when she was mad. I looked away.

"Well?" I looked up to see Kyle throw his hands in the air, exasperated.

"Wait, so you don't even want to sleep with him?" Jason butt in and this time, it was my turn to glare.

"For god's sake Jason!" My face turned crimson at the mere thought of sleeping with Cameron. I'm not saying I completely despise the idea, however.

No. You can't afford to think like that.

"I know you want to." Jason tutted playfully and my face turned another impossible shade of red. Meanwhile, Kyle was busy smirking, content with the scene unfolding in front of him.

"Damn you both! I don't want to sleep with him." I shrieked, knowing exactly where this was heading and not appreciating that fact in the slightest.

Imagine a night with Cameron.

He won't even stick around until morning, that's for sure.

But still, it'd be pretty hot.

I've gone off the deep end, haven't I?

"Who don't you want to sleep with?" I whipped my head around only to see Cameron's unearthly body lazily leaning against my doorframe. How the hell did he get inside When I saw him, I felt my breathe hitch. My eyes raked over his form, liking what was on display. When my eyes met his, a cocky grin spread out onto his face. My face went red.

Damn me to hell.

"Nobody." My voice cut in, daring Kyle and Jason to counter me. Thankfully, they didn't.

"I need to talk to Katie." Cameron's deep and accented voice spoke out. When neither of the two present idiots moved, Cameron spoke up again.

"Alone." If I couldn't breath before, then now I must already be dead because I've never felt this way before.

Anxiety and nerves shot through me. Millions of emotions ran through my mind but the most visible one was lust. Lust. Oh dear god, save me now. Before leaving, Kyle flashed me his crooked grin and thumbs up, meanwhile Jason winked. Idiots. As soon as they left, Cameron began making his way over to me. No words can describe how I feel. Is he cancelling the date? Because that would make things a hell of a lot easier. Although, a small part of me hopes he wasn't about to do just that.

Dear god, please give me the strength to resist this irresistible man.

Cameron came close enough for me to feel his breath tickling my cheek. I looked up at him only to see that his eyes were piercing through mine. I hate it when he does that; it makes me feel things I don't want to feel. It makes me think he can see past my walls and see into the chasm in my heart that is filled with vulnerability. I don't like that one bit.

"I don't like the thought of you wanting someone else." Cameron's hands wrapped around my waist as I took in the meaning of his words.

Is he jealous? I shut my eyes, giving myself the willpower I needed to do what I was going to do next.

"Cameron," I started out softly, upset that I had to do this.

"I can't date you." I rushed out the words quickly. As Cameron's arms retracted and immediately, I yearned for him to be closer. But it's better this way.

"What?" Instead of being angry, Cameron sounded upset.

Upset. I've caused millions of emotions to bubble up inside of him but sadness has never been one of them. Until now. I looked up to meet his eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time and I saw the mess I had created. The mess I refuse to wreck even further. Many emotions were playing through Cameron's eyes but the one that stuck the most was the hurt. A tear silently slid down my cheek.

"No." Cameron glared at me, holding the most disgusted expression he possibly could.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. This is your fault." I let his words get to me because ultimately, they were true.

This is my fault.

It's always my fault.

"I'm sorry." I didn't let my voice crack because I knew that would only upset him more.

"So this is what you wanted, huh? Get in my head and mess with me? Well, newsflash, I never cared enough to let that happen. You mean nothing to me." Cameron spat out the words lethally, each one sending me further and further into the pool of self-hate.

"I'm--" I was cut off by Cameron.

"Shut the fuck up Katie!" He roared, his voice shaking with rage. I trembled, more than afraid.

"You just don't get it, Cameron. I can't keep doing this to you." My voice was barely above a whisper.

And the truth is, I really can't keep doing this. I can't keep leading Cameron on and on, and making him believe that there actually could be an us. There could never actually be an us. I've already promised my parents not to be selfish, whether they know it or not. In that letter, I confessed to so many things and I let my walls tumble. That letter is stuffed between a book on my shelf, stamped and ready to mail. I won't ever mail it though. But I do intend to keep my promise; I will not be selfish with Cameron.

I refuse to keep killing that light inside of Cameron. I absolutely refuse. He deserves the best and that's not me. I'm one of those people that are so much better off alone. It's easier that way. I know Cameron won't understand that, so I won't tell him. It's better if he hates me anyway; makes everything easier for the both of us. What I didn't expect was for Cameron to outright say I don't matter.

But isn't that what you wanted?

I guess it is.

"Do enlighten me, Katie. What don't I get?" Cameron's words were oozing with sarcasm. I shook my head as a response. It's better if he doesn't know why because that way he'll hate me. It'll make it easier for him to get over me.

His hatred will overpower any other emotion he has for me.

I'm really sorry, Cammie. Just know that I do care.

"I like somebody else." I looked Cameron in the eye, refusing to stutter.

He has to believe me. It's the only way. I watched Cameron closely. His reaction was so similar to the reaction I had gotten when I had slapped him.

Disbelief.

Shock.

Hurt.

Rage.

Hatred.

But there's was also something else mixed in there: Heartbreak.

I guess I'm more like my parents than I thought.