Once Upon A Slap

(22) Hello there Ginger

**Chapter 22**

Have you ever had that grim feeling where you just wanted to end everything? When you just want to put an end to the chaos you've created? Put an end to the seemingly endless horrors? I know I sure have felt this way.

Right now, as I walk the streets of an old, broken down neighbourhood, I want nothing more than to put an end to my chaotic existence. Although, I know that if I even did want to end my pointless life, I wouldn't have the courage.

I'm weak. There, I said it; it's out in the open for everybody to realize. I'm too weak for the life I've been given. I'm too weak to handle all of the obstacles in my life. I'm too weak to fight against hope. I'm too weak to even put an end to everything. I'm only causing people pain but yet I still stick around because I'm too weak to do anything else.

I'm a black mark in the lives of my parents. I just know it. I'm bothersome to them. I'm somebody that they wish never existed. When you're young, you're always told that you'll love who you grow up to be. For me, that's a lie. I don't love who I've become. I'm a waste of a person; how am I supposed to love that? I'm too weak to withstand all of the lies; how am I supposed to learn to love that? I can't. I'm too weak to accept myself the way I am, but I can't change either. I'm stuck this way because I can't change and nor do I have the courage to end the suffering.

I don't have the courage to die but I also don't have the will to die either. Before I die, I want to become somebody important; somebody that people look up to. If I die now, I won't be able to achieve that. I'll die regretting my existence and I don't want that. I'll die knowing that nobody will want to come to my funeral, if I'm even provided with that. I don't want to die knowing that. I won't die like that. I want to die knowing that my parents are proud of me. I know what a long-shot that is but that's what I want and I'll do anything to accomplish this goal. Anything.

I kicked at the pebbles under my feet, keeping my head down, not wanting to attract any attention from anybody I know, or from a fan of my parents. Or, even a fan of mine.

Yes, I have fans. They're mostly in the California and Hollywood area because that's where I used to do my modeling. My parents had pulled me out of my school about two years ago to model. At the time, I was ecstatic because it gave me a chance to get closer to my parents. I had figured that they had wanted to bond with me as well. After a while, I found out that they were only using me for money. I had packed my packs and left on the first flight back home.

Now that I've been off the radar for about 2 years, most of my fan base had disappeared and I was back to being a nobody. Although, I can't deny that I didn't love living the life of an A-list celebrity. I do want back into that life but not through my parents.

"Kate?" My eyes jumped up to meet Jack's dark brown ones. I scowled immediately; I really wasn't in the mood to be tampered with, especially not with Jack.

"My name's Katie; get it right." I snapped. Usually, I wouldn't mind if people called me Kate, but today, I really wasn't in the mood for nicknames or talking in general. Jack held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Jesus woman, are you on your period or something?" He questioned quizzically. My pale cheeks turned red in embarrassment.

"No; what's wrong with you?" I exclaimed. What kind of person asks somebody that sort of thing? God, Jack really has no limits whatsoever. Somehow, I like that. He's as blunt and truthful as they get; I know that he won't lie to me and not because he considers me his friend or anything but because he's just that kind of person. We need more truthful people like him in the world. Maybe without his need to be perverse, though. Jack simply shrugged.