"SwanQueen" Trapped in her charms

Chapter 13: Her Reasons

I watch her walk down the stage to her main office. No one seems to notice her absence. While Cora is still talking wonders about robin, and how he will help the company, everyone goes along applauding and smiling. I walk out to look for regina. I stand helpless behind the doors of her office. A place I used to feel welcomed and loved, now I feel concerned, scared to enter. Did I put so much pressure on her? Maybe taking our relationship to the next level was wrong, or too early. Why am I so insecure all the sudden? Building up in my eyes is a well of tears. My head is making up to many things that may or may not be true. I confront my fears, and knock on the door.
"Regina, w-we need to talk." I stutter with a knot in my throat. Awkward moment as she opens the door, and we both stand speechless. Sorrow eyes, and long deep sighs.

"Swan I'm sorry, I should've talked to you sooner about this."
"Yeah, I was caught off guard out there. What's going on?"
She takes a deep breath before she speaks.
"Swan, somehow my mother found out before I could talk to her about us. She threatened me to take my place away from the company, that she'll make sure I'd never have a job again, and that she'll make my life miserable if I didn't obey her." She says dryly.
"I realized what she said is right. The company would have a bad name if everyone knew what we had. I can't let that happen."

My heart clenches anew and releases a fresh wave of silent sobbing.
"Do you hear yourself regina, what the fuck are you talking about?"
My voice is choked, strangled anger between my words. I frown, staring at her.
"That is bullshit Regina! And you know it. Are you really this afraid of your mother?" My voice starts to get higher as I am more angry at her.
"Swan you don't understand." She closes her eyes in frustration.
"Maybe your right, I don't understand your excuses. All I can think is your being a coward Regina."
I'm saying words that maybe I mean or maybe I don't. I'm clouded by fury, and pain.
"Your not listening to me, swan."
She yells back.
"This it then? This whole play you're keeping up with your mother is what's happening now?"
I dash the tears angrily out of my eyes with the backs of my hands, glaring at her.
"Did you even care about me? Were you lying to me this whole time?"
I yell, furiously. My thoughts are all haywire and jumbled, echoing and bouncing off the inside of my skull.
"It's complicated." She answers.
Her eyes widen, and she blinks, her fearful expression returning. She shakes her head bleakly.

I turn away, I cannot bear to look at her.
"I have to go." I whisper.
"Swan, wait" she pleads, reaches and grabs my arm.
"Don't you dare touch me," I find myself fighting her off. I turn my back to her, and without giving her a second glance, I dissappear down the hall to the elevators.

Once I made my way to my car in the parking lot, it's hot and humid outside. I lean against the drivers door of my car, put my head in my hands, and sink to the ground.
What was I thinking? Regina played me, she chose to obey her mother's desires, and dump me like a used cloth. Unbidden and unwelcome tears pool in my eyes. Drawing up my knees, I fold in on myself, placing my head on my knees. Sobbing like I've never done before, I let the irrational tears fall. Why I'm I crying over the loss of something that wasn't even mine? I was fooled, trapped, I am a ridiculous idiot.
have I ever been on the receiving end of sorrow. Maybe.. once when my mother told me the story of how my father had passed away due to a car accident. I was 12 years old when I kept asking about my father's last day living, my mother said I was ready to know about it. I never thought I would cry as much as I did that day again. As though, the pain in my heart is circling through my body, I ask myself.. Why did this happen to me? I was so focused on my studies, carrier, who I wanted to be. Regina is an obstacle, she was only a distraction I fell for, a cruel joke. I have to go back to that ordinary blonde girl who had her mind set, and future planned.

My phone rings, startling me. It's my mother. I forgot I had asked her for us to meet for lunch. I can't see her like this, she'll think something is wrong. Which is true. I sigh, battling if I should answer or not.
Before I decide to click the "answer" button, the call is lost and missed.