"SwanQueen" Trapped in her charms

Chapter 14: Remember it well

I gaze at myself in the mirror. A pale and haunted girl stares back at me. I scoop my hair into a ponytail and ignore how swollen my eyelids are from so much crying. I cannot believe my world just crumbled into ashes, in only one day. All my hopes, dreams, are all gone, disappeared into dark clouds. No, no, I have to stop thinking about it. Not now, not anymore. Taking a deep breath, I walk down to the front yard of the building. Outside in a bench, lily was there, waiting for me.
She's dressed in jeans and a blue tank top, it looks like her apparel hasn't changed much.
"Hey," she greets me.
She glances up and doesn't take her brooding eyes off me. I walk over to the bench next to her, doing my best to not make eye contact with her.
"What do you want lily?"
My voice is clear and calm. She gasps
"Were you crying?"
"No." I answer quickly and frown.
"Emma, I'm sorry I barged in your life like this. I just wanted to thank you, for removing the restraining order." She says kindly.
Yes I had a restraining order against my ex-girlfriend. When we broke up two years ago, she kept calling me non-stop. Looking for me at work, changing her classes to have the same as mine. Begging me over and over again, to take her back. It was the 5th chance I have given her, and she failed by cheating. Our relationship was so unhealthy, I had to keep her away. It wasn't until the stocking stopped, and when I meet regina, I felt safe enough to remove the restraining order.
Yet here I am, sitting next to her. The girl who mentally hurt me constantly, but none of those times were compared, to the pain regina has struck on me.
"It's fine, you didn't have to drive all the way here." I say.
"I wanted to thank you in person."
She confirms.

My gaze stays down to the ground, she stares at me with a puzzled look.
"I know it's non of my convenience, but are you sure you're ok?"
I turn to her very slowly, she keeps her eyes on mine, hardly blinking.
"I'm fine. If that's all you wanted to talk about yo-"
My sentence is interrupted by lily grasping my head, and smashing her lips against mine. I don't stop her, in fact I continue the kiss. For some strange reason it feels different. I thought it would help the emptiness inside me, I thought it would help replace the pain I'm feeling. I have to stop, this kiss is only making everything worse. I push her away, and we stay speechless for a moment.
"I'm sorry I kissed you emma, I miss you. I need you back." She cries.
"Lily, we are done here. Go home."
I walk back to my apartment, not hearing a word she says. How could I let that happen? I keep being a fool. Thinking maybe lily could fill the void in my heart. I run in to my room, ruby is probably asleep already. I feel the need to wake her, but that would be selfish of me. She has no responsibility over my stupid actions. I lay in bed, trying hard not to cry again. I skip my daily night routines of changing to my pj's, brushing my teeth, and removing make up and fall into deep asleep.

It's seven in the morning and my head pounds loudly, must be a migraine again. I'm at my desk, I'm quiet, reserved more likely. Katherine is there, working as well. We don't speak of anything but work topics. I wonder if she knows about what regina and i had, since Cora found out when she doesn't even work here. Documents, memos and meetings to attend, and regina is not here. I have no clue how to keep up my courage. With a shake, I clear my head. You can do this Swan.
Right when I had convinced myself of getting through this, Regina walks in. She avoids eye contact with me, and orders to Katherine something she should be ordering to me.
I frown. Who's the coward now!?
She walks in to her office. Katherine shrugs and rolls her eyes, looking at how much she has to do today. Work that was supposed to be handed to me. What the hell, regina?! Like this woman couldn't get anymore confusing.
No, not this again. She's not pulling this shit with me again. I dare to walk in to her office uninvited. Shut the doors, and stand right in front of her.
She knows it's me, but she chooses to ignore me, not even look up.
"What's going on? I thought I still had my job?" I feel the barely contained fury in my eyes.
"Miss Swan, you know perfectly well that is not how you enter my office." She hissed.
"If you have read the email sent to you before barging in her like a animal, you wouldn't be bothering me right now." She says acidly.
I gave her a small, apologetic shrug for my rudeness.
"What are you talking about?"
I say shocked at her words.
"Your being transferred." She says gazing down at her papers, signing and faxing. Completely avoiding to look at me.
"What? Where? How?"
I frown.
"Read the memo, Miss Swan. Now please leave my office." She orders frustrated. Almost yelling at me.

I don't understand why. I know this is tough for the both of us, but why this anger against me. I leave her office with a knot in my throat. She's making the harder for me, harder to forget her, and not let her bother me. I quickly look at my computer, I see the un read email of the memo. I read carefully, my eyes building up tears again as I read. I sigh inwardly, it's true. I am being transferred to another office. I won't be regina's assistant anymore.

She's messing with me. Maybe this is just a trick. A mistake. I don't imagine regina requesting this transfer. With everything regina's mother has done, it might have been her. Damn it! Regina why can't you fight her for just one time? I'm in the printer room, next to reginas office. I have no idea what I'm printing or why. I needed some time alone with my thoughts. This is the best place to find really.
As I wait for the copy's to finish I look in the small mirror of the room. It's strange how there's a mirror here, but I look at it for a moment. I look confused and slightly unfocused. I'm a mess.
I jump as I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Hi." Lily whispers.
"What are you doing here? Your going to get me in trouble." I yell quietly.
"I wanted to visit you at your job. That's not illegal." She claims.
"Go lily, please. We can talk later if you want." I smile weakly at her.
"Do you need a hand with those papers?" She steps closer, putting her arm around me.
"Lily stop." I try to push her away rather feebly.
"Emma please, I'm begging for it." She whispers, and now she's pulling me closer. I try my best to push her off, but she's quite strong.
"Lily, what are you doing? Get off!"
"You know I love you emma, I've always had, please." She has one hand at the small of my back holding me against her, the other hand is at my chin, keeping my face still.
"No, lily, stop. NO!" I shout and push her, but she pulls me again towards her. I find myself struggling out of her grasp. Her hand has slipped into my hair, and she holds my head in place.
"Come on emma, I know you want it." She whispers against my lips. Her breath is heavier, she gently trails kisses along my jaw up to the side of my mouth. The feeling is suffocating.
"Lily, no," I plead.

"I think the lady said to stop," I see regina come in the room, and pull lily off me. She then stands in between lily and i, focusing on her.
"Who the fuck are you?"
Lily says tersely.
"You don't ask questions here, I do. Now you better get your ass out of my office, before I call security." Regina is glowering at lily, and she's furious. All I can think of is.. Fuck, I'm screwed.
"I'm here for emma, she's my girlfriend." She argues.
"No, she's not," regina laughs. "Get out, before I kick you out myself." She orders.

Lily tilts her head to look at me.
"I will come back for you baby, I love you." She said, and she walks out of the room.
"Regina, you didn't have to do that." I glance anxiously at her.
"She was harassing yo-- one of my employees, of course I had to do this." She says dryly.
Oh! So now I'm just one of her employees? How convenient.
She leaves the room, avoiding my angry, displeased gaze at her.

I am done, I will not get through this. It's painful, hurtful. I need to cut off everything that keeps me close to her, including this job.
I barge in to her office again without permission. We are four feet apart from each other, I don't even wait until she asks me why I'm there. I say what, I have to say.
"You don't have to go through the trouble of the transfer, because I'm quiting."
There i said it, there's no turning back now.
She looks up at me, dark brown eyes weakening me like they have before.
"Why swan? Why are you making this so much more difficult?" She cries.
"That's why I'm quiting, so you don't have to see my face ever again. You can be happy with robin." I argue.

I turn to leave her office, I can't bare her presence anymore.
"Wait, swan."
I stop, turn slowly to meet her steady gaze. Her eyes are watery, as so are mine. She stands up, steps closer to me. Before I can start regretting my actions, I'm in her arms. Resting my head on her shoulder. I get flashbacks as we hug tightly, here we are the place where I loved her so. From the first civilized conversation we had about baking skills, to dancing happily like the world was ours. I'll remember it all too well. I feel hot, unwelcoming tears prick my eyes as I cling to her.

Our watery eyes meet, her forehead touching mine. Both paralyzed, filled with pain and sorrow. Oh, she's so breathtakingly beautiful, I'm going to miss her gorgeous face. In such short time, she's become so, so dear to me. Reaching up, she caress my cheek and run the tips of her fingers on my cheekbones. I close my eyes and exhale.
"Please don't go, emma." She says softly, and she looks utterly, utterly broken, I can see agonizing pain in her eyes. It reflects how I feel inside. I gaze away from her, before I change my mind and stay to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, regina." I pull away. Her hand still holding mine, but I let go quickly. Walking out of her office, walking out of her life, for good.