Lost In Paradise(EDITING)

13. Nobody Knows

Shawna

I had over a hundred emotions running through me as I sat outside Khalil's house.

I couldn't believe he would just kick me out after what happened between us last night. Its like I wasn't nothing but a booty call to him and that hurts.

All my life I've felt second to everyone that was supposed to love and be there for me. From my mother to my so called friends.

That's part of the reason why I'm so hateful towards others. I take my anger out on other people because no one seems to hear me cry out for help.

I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I didn't mean to be a bully but I felt that was the only way to get people's attention especially my mom's.

My mom always put alcohol before me

Nobody knows the things I had to endure in my life. Nodody will every understand why I act the way I do because nobody seems to care enough to ask. That shit hurts.

I broke out of my train of thoughts when I noticed a man putting something under a car that was parked outside of Khalil's house. I couldn't see his face or the object so I just walked off. It wasn't none of my business anyways.

As I started walking my phone started ringing in my pocket of my jacket. I looked to see it was an incoming call from my mom. I was hesitant to answer at first but decided to see what she wanted.

"Hello?" I answered using my free hand to wipe my face.

"Shawna where the hell are you?! You out there being a ho?! You better not come home wit no damn baby or you can kiss this house goodb-" I hung up on her. I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore.

Since going home was not an option I decided to my "friend" Jamilia to see if I can stay with her. It was a long shot but I had to do something.

"Girl what do you want I'm busy?" She just had to answer the phone with so much attitude.

"Can you please let me stay at your house for awhile? My mom is tripping and I really don't feel like being bothered with her."

I heard her kiss her teeth before speaking to someone in the background.

"Yeah whatever. You know where the spare key is." And just like that she hung up. Sometimes I ask myself why I even associate myself with her. She claims she just giving me 'tough Love' but in reality she's just a stuck up bitch.

Jamilia thinks that because she mixed that she's better than everybody. She makes slick remarks about how guys like her better because she's lighter than me and that brings my self esteem down. Our moms have been cool for years so we basically grew up together. I guess that's why I stick around.

As I began walking I heard a loud boom that came from the next street. It felt like the whole earth was shaking. I was too scared to look back and see what it was so I picked up my pace towards Jamilia's house.

When I got there some guy was coming out her house. He was cute as hell. He saw me walking up and waved. I waved back and gave him a slight smile. I noticed Jamilia roll her eyes and walk back in the house.

Once I made inside I sat right on the couch to get comfortable. I felt at home because I always come here whenever me and my mom weren't seeing eye to eye. Whether Jamilia liked it or not.

"You know he was only being nice." I frowned at her because I already know she was about to start.

"Jamilia please don't do this right now. I already have enough on my plate." I whined because I didn't feel like hearing her go on and on about shit I didn't give a fuck about.