Dear Autumn

Entry #56

Dear Autumn,

Someone once told me that we humans all have two things in common. The first one is that we all strive to live, the second is that we all have the ability to love.

That someone, was you.

And I'm starting to think that you were wrong Autumn. Because I don't want to live anymore, and I don't think I can love anyone either.

Have I really gone numb?

Because I used to love a lot of things. I used to love the rain, my parents, and life. I used to love to talk to March and be there for her. I used to love everything about you. I used to love your eyes, your smile, your beautiful hair, and just... you.

I used to love a lot of things, and I'm afraid that now, I simply don't love.

And honestly, it's scary as hell. Because I can still remember the joy in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach when I used to look at you.

Now they're gone.

They only things I can feel now are emptiness, and hollowness, and the ache in my bones and the clench of my heart.

And I'm not sure if it's even normal to be feeling all these things in the first place.

But I do feel that way. So there's nothing I can do about that. And I'm sorry Autumn, because I know that you still love me and in a way I love you too, and I'll say it 35 times to you if my tongue would let me. But it doesn't. Because my tongue and heart and mind and soul are all telling me that it's wrong to do so. And I don't know why that is, I really don't.

But Autumn, I think you should know that you're my first and only love. Don't you ever forget that.

Love always,

August

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I don't know why but I cried while writing this so that's probably why it's sad.