The driver, The Girlfriend and Me

Not coming back

I woke up to a hand in mine. I opened my eyes slowly. Nico was slumped in the chair with his hand in mine. I smiled and rubbed it. I moved his hair out of his face and kissed his forehead.

You're falling back in love with him.

I heard little whimpering sounds. I got out of bed and picked up Eva. She instantly stopped whimpering and went to sleep in my arms. Nico woke up.

"Good morning" he smiled.

"Good morning!"

"How is she?"

"She's just after a little bit of attention"

The nurse came in.

"Isn't this a gorgeous sight! Why, don't you make just the most gorgeous little family!"

"Thank you" we smiled.

"You can be discharged today, although getting home will be tricky. As she's newborn they probably won't let you on the flight"

"How can we get around it?"

"Well, the air will become thin so all I can think of is that we give her an oxygen mask"

"As long as we can get her home" Nico said.

What home? Germany? England? We don't live together.

After a few brief questions I was allowed to leave.

Nicos pilot had been waiting for him so we could get on the plane quickly.

"Can I ask something?" I said as he held her.

"Go ahead" he smiled

"When you said that we could take her home, what did you mean? I live in England and you live in Germany"

His smile grew bigger.

"This is what I've been waiting for"

"What? Nico?"

"Will you move in with me?"

I looked at him in shock.

"Nico? Are you serious?"

"Yes! Of course I'm serious!"

"Of course I will!"

He leaned over and kissed me. Not on the cheek. On the lips.

***

I thought I would be tricky learning to share a house again, but I was wrong. I was completely wrong. Getting up at 2am to feed the little monster was hard though. She always wanted food at a certain time. And, come on, it's not like Nico can breast feed her, is it?

I heard her cry through the baby monitor at 3am.

Great. I was comfy too.

I clambered out of bed to go and feed her. The cries stopped as she began to have her feed.

***

At 7am she was crying again, after more milk. I just decided to bring her back to mine and Nico's bedroom to feed her there. I took my tank top off and put her in the right position to feed as she began to suckle, making little gulping noises as she did.

We must have disturbed Nico a little as he rolled over and looked up at me.

"Can i wake up to this every morning?" He smirked, staring at my bare chest.

"Ha, ha, ha" I yawned.

"Are you tired?"

"Of course I am, I'm the one who's been up all night feeding her"

***

The next few days were to be considered a nightmare. Nico was  no help whatsoever when it came to helping look after Eva.

He wouldn't change her, he couldn't feed her and he had an excuse for everything to do with her.

One morning, I got a lot more worked up than I should have done.

It was around 7am and she was screaming the house down to be fed. She'd woken both Nico and I. As per usual, I was the one to have to feed her.

I rushed to her room as she began to feed.

It was fair to say that neither of us females were in a good mood at all that day. She just wouldn't stop crying and I was doing all I could to stop her, whilst Nico avoided it.

"Can you please help?" I asked him.

"How can I help?"

"Have you heard of holding her before?"

He seemed taken aback by my tone of voice, yet he still didn't come to take her from my arms.

She began to cry more, thrashing around as I held her close in an attempt to console her. It was no use. The anger was starting to build up inside me.

"Nico!" I shouted. Again he looked shocked "She's your child too! You've done nothing but be unhelpful where Eva is concerned. She's a baby. She needs a lot of looking after and you're being so unhelpful"

"Well, I'm sorry, maybe you should have thought about this before having her. Maybe I should have stayed away. Maybe I shouldn't have gone after you when you were at the abortion clinic. It'd have been so much better that way."

I gasped as he got up and went to the door, throwing on a pair of shoes, grabbing his car keys and a jacket.

"Where are you going?" I asked, still shaking from what he had said.

"Somewhere"

"What are you doing?"

"Something"

"When will you be back?"

"Sometime"

He opened the door and walked towards his car.

"Nico please! Don't do this! She needs us both"

He ignored me and got into his car, tears brewing in his eyes as he sat down, switched it on and belted himself in.

Don't try to stop him. If this is what he wants, then let him go along with it. You're better off.

I stood next to his car as he put it into gear. A tear rolled down his face as he put his foot on the accelerator and drove off.

He was gone.

I walked back inside with Eva who had since fallen asleep. She was curled up in my arms, as content as she could be. I slotted her back into the cot to sleep.

It had just dawned on me what had happened. Nico probably wasn't coming back.

Not coming back.

I ran to the kitchen with tears streaming down my face.

Not coming back.

I grabbed the full bottle of vodka from the shelf.

Not coming back.

I went back to the living room where I proceded to drink the whole bottle.

Not coming back.

Words continued to circulate my mind as i went for the second bottle.

Not coming back.

Not coming back.

Not coming back.