Our Little Bit of Light

"I'm Sorry"

Curled into Bellamy. That's not exactly how Murphy expected his day to go but as the tears kept pouring he couldn't muster the strength to pull away even though he knew he should, he knew he didn't deserve Bellamy and Murphy couldn't understand how Bellamy couldn't see that. He felt more than ridiculous, he used to pride himself on being able to stop his emotions from getting in the way to be able to hold back tears if he needed to but with Bellamy somehow he just couldn't do it, just like the day that he hung Bellamy, his emotions got the better of him and he felt powerless to change it, almost like someone else was always in control, always telling him what to do. He felt like it didn't really matter what he did he would never really be in charge but he found that with Bellamy that it didn't really matter, that maybe he could finally let go even just a little. Because with Bellamy he was respected no matter that he thought that Bellamy deserved so much better than him, Bellamy would always treat him as an equal and when Bellamy looked at Murphy like he hung the stars, like he was the reason the sun shone in the day, Murphy knew as sappy as it was that he wanted this, that most definitely he was truly and utterly in love. So instead of worrying about right now he decided he would just pull Bellamy close and enjoy this tiny bit of paradise he'd somehow been granted.

Bellamy crushed murphy closer against his chest if that was even physically possible and let the other boys hurt and grief flood out through tears staining streaks onto his shirt. Murphy slid his arms around Bellamy's waist so close their body heat mingled together into one.

"I'm sorry" Murphy whispered against his chest and Bellamy laid a soft kiss against his forehead. Bellamy knew this pain, the rage that Murphy felt he had felt it himself many times before, it didn't even matter what he took his anger out on when he was in one of those moods, he would just need a release whether that be by shouting orders or fighting someone just for the sake of it Bellamy knew what it was like he had felt it all before and he knew all of that anger and pain would never go away it would simmer down so it was just bearable enough to move on, always waiting under the surface ready to explode. Honestly he was just like Murphy in that regard, it's just he was better at hiding it.

"It's okay" Bellamy finally whispered back turning Murphy's head up with gentle fingers resting firmly on his chin, so he was staring directly into the piercing blue gaze of this beautifully broken boy.

"Is it really? Will it ever really be okay Bellamy?" Murphy was a realist, so this question was expected but Bellamy still felt the weight of the unspoken answer, the dwindling hope in Murphy's eyes only pushed Bellamy on to answer what he secretly knew was the truth

"I don't know if we will ever be okay to other people's standards." Murphy's tears had now dried and it seemed improbable that he could possible shed anymore, even as Bellamy revealed his thoughts.

"But as long as you are with me it will always be just us no matter what anyone else thinks and to me that's kind of more than okay that's paradise" Bellamy had the decency to blush at his last sentence, he realizes he has laid himself bare, so when he feels Murphy give a small smile into his chest, the relief that washes over him is phenomenal and as Murphy looked at him like Bellamy was the reason he was still here the reason he could survive, Just before Murphy's lips melted against his into a bruising kiss suddenly he felt euphoria and he knows that with Murphy no matter where they are he will always be home.