Drunken DMs

Chapter 20

Michael

"Fuck you Michael Clifford," I heard her yell out, walking back to her bedroom
What the fuck did I do? I asked myself, why did I have to fucking stop? I didn't want to stop. Not in the slightest. Fuck, I'm such an idiot, but I thought that if I did go through with what we were doing she'd hate me. She probably would have thought I'd taken advantage of the fact she was wasted; but that wasn't the case at all. Did her reaction have something to do with the way she felt?

Four hours had past, and I hadn't slept a wink. All I'd done was lay on the couch, and thought about how much of a fuck up I was. Judging by her walking out of the lounge room hours earlier, if there was a chance she actually returned the feelings I had for her, they'd be long gone.
I grabbed my phone from the arm of the couch and decided to text the one person I knew I could count on. Ashton. He'd never really had any trouble with girls, and he was the only one of us that had a girlfriend. Luke had the worst trouble, he was always too awkward and shy around girls; and Calum? Well let's just say, he's not one for commitment, not now at least.

To Ashton: dude you awake? Can I call? Need advice

I sat on the couch staring at the screen, waiting for a reply

From Ashton: bryanas asleep still mate. It's 9.30 am. Too fucking early, what's up? Maybe I can help you through texting

To Ashton: I think I fucked up last night

From Ashton: what did you do?

To Ashton: went to a club with Leah. And we both had a bit to drink, one thing lead to another... And then I couldn't go through with it

From Ashton: this sounds like more of a Calum thing

To Ashton: it would be if I didn't have feelings for this girl. But I do, and I think by not sleeping with her I screwed up my chance

From Ashton: don't be a pussy Clifford! Just tell the girl how you feel! Why didn't you go through with it?

To Ashton: didn't feel right. Like I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage of her... I like her so, I'd kinda wanted it to be more special.

From Ashton: who are you and what have you done with Michael Clifford?

From Ashton: just talk to her dude, tell her how you feel. I'm pretty sure she likes you back. Especially from the photos you've sent us on snapchat...

To Ashton: I'm fucking scared of doing that, remember how badly that went last time? Like what if she doesn't like me? What if I'm just Michael from 5sos to her?

From Ashton: like I said man, don't be a pussy. And if you don't ask you'll never know. Now I'm going back to bed. It's too fucking early for this!

I groaned internally at his attitude, but he was right. I was indeed being a pussy. I couldn't even tell the girl how I felt. He was so sure that Leah felt the same way I did; but in the back of my mind I had the huge fear of rejection, and the fear of being used for who I am; it had happened before. More often than not.
If there was the chance that Leah felt the same, I knew she'd be scared of getting hurt again. I knew from what she'd told me that her ex fucked up really badly and she had major trust issues. I couldn't blame her to be honest. If I was cheated on, and had my best friend know about it the whole time. I'd be pretty fucked up too.

Ten minutes later I decided to get off the couch and see if she was awake. I had to do something about this, I couldn't have these thoughts eating away at my brain.
I knocked in the door, "you awake?" I asked, when no sound came from the inside
"Go away,"
"Leah," I groaned, "can we talk?"
"Why?" She said, opening the door; much to my surprise. She was still wearing the tank I wore to the club last night, her hair and makeup were a mess; I could tell she'd been crying. It was then I realised that I was so fucking wrong, and that she possibly did return the feelings I had, "so you can reject me again?" She scoffed, "God, Michael, you're so fucking full of mixed signals,"
"I want to explain last night, or really, this morning," I told her
"Look I get it, you don't like me," she said, but God she was wrong, "maybe you coming here was a mistake,"
"What?" I was totally confused
"I get it, you don't like me, and I don't blame you,"
"That's where you're so fucking wrong," I told her, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her into me, placing my mouth on hers