Broken (A Bars and Melody fanfiction)

Chapter 34- The End

*This doesn't continue right after the last chapter*

As humans, we often fall victim to habits and routines that repeat on a harsh continuous cycle that is difficult to end. And the routine I fell victim to was damaging.

It was always the same. Leo and I would spend a month or two together and be extremely happy. We'd forget all about the bad things that had happened. A clean slate. But then he'd leave to go on tour again. I could not stand the whirlwind of tours. Same show but different city everyday. Never stopping. Never taking a breathe. Never enjoying the cities. So I would stay at home and laugh and smile with my friends like nothing was wrong. I'd tell them how Leo and I would FaceTime everyday and how we were constantly texting and would always send long sweet goodnight messages. But the stone cold reality was that Leo would go weeks without texting me. And only once did he ever FaceTime me.

The biggest problem, was that the scandals were always public. Snuff out the spark before the fire becomes uncontrollable. We'd post a photo from the happy period and write loved up captions as if everything was okay. "It's just an edit". We'd play it cool and pretend everything was fine all without speaking to each other.

Eventually, Leo would return home. With his eyes heavy with exhaustion I'd be told he was too tired to spend time together. Too tired for a date. Too tired to come over. Too tired to talk. A week would pass before we'd finally come face to face to talk. Leo would avoid talking about tour. And I would try to ignore the questions eating away at me. We'd sit in awkwardness filling the air with small talk. Until I'd finally explode. Who? Where? When? Why? And before long we'd be in a screaming match. The loudest would win. But it was not a victorious prize. We'd walk away in pieces. Teary eyed. Heartbroken.

I'd look for a way to ignore the pain stabbing at my heart. And the only way I could achieve the blissful ignorance was in the arms of any boy who would give me attention. With anyone who would stop me from being alone in my double bed. The morning after my head would hurt. Raw guilt would consume me. And as soon as I found myself alone I numbed the pain with alcohol. I drank and I drank and I drank. I drank the bottle empty. And as I swallowed the last drop the tears would be dry and I could finally close my eyes to sleep.

Sleep. My nightmares haunted me. The nightmares made me feel worthless. I would repeatedly hear the same words: Leo doesn't love you anymore. And I would see him hooking up with some girl but I couldn't do anything. I would scream and shout but my words fell upon deaf ears. Soundproof glass was always in the way. And when Leo would turn to see tears streaming down my face he'd laugh. He'd laugh at how pathetic I was.

I woke from my nightmare startled. I didn't realise I was screaming until I was suddenly faced with the deafening silence. I took deep calming breathes. In. Out. Slowly, I reached out for my phone. It was 2 am. My head was pounding but I no longer cared. I searched my room for an alcoholic beverage. I didn't care what I drank as long as it was strong. We were currently in the happy period but things just didn't feel right. I tried to smile and laugh and love but I couldn't. Because I knew that eventually he'd find satisfaction in somebody else's arms. And I would be left distraught yet again. But eventually I would forgive him like always in the hopes that we could eventually become what we used to be again. The endless cycle that had already been happening for over 2 years needed to find an end.

Soon I found myself with my lips pressed to a bottle of vodka. My drinking had become borderline alcoholic over the last month but I knew that this had to be my last bottle for a long time. I had promised myself that I wouldn't finish this bottle, but here I was drowning my sorrows in the alcohol. All I wanted was to numb the pain for a while.

A lot of people believe that alcoholics drink alcohol because they enjoy being reckless and having fun. But I think that they drink to try and numb the pain of their everyday life. For I have never met a happy drunk. As the alcohol runs through your blood it starts to control your body. You are no longer in control. The alcohol makes you be reckless and have a little fun. The alcohol makes you temporarily feel numb. But you can't rely on alcohol to stop the pain. That is like relying on the passenger in the car to control the wheel while you play flappy birds on your phone: stupid and reckless. It will always end badly.