Only in my dreams ( Book one of the Secret Embrace Series)

Battle of the Brothers

Ch.15 Battle of the Brothers

I slam the door on my Camero a little to roughly as I make my way up the trail to my house. I don't even both turning around and checking on it, I don't care anymore the only thing I ever cared about in my whole existence I just left in the shadows of her doorway.

I walk slowly dragging my feet behind me to the front door and toss my keys in the bowl that is on the wooden table next to the entrance of the living room. I hear the metal of the keys land loudly in the bowl and then roll around to a stop.

My head is killing me and my heart won't stop it's relentless torment on my thoughts. Every other thought is of Ash and every moment we have had together.

Why did I think leaving would solve everything? I walk towards my bed room trying to escape all the memories. Pictures of Ash and I hang on the walls, from the life when we first met, to years ago, I see her face every where I turn. She always was beautiful, her dark hair and eyes to match, her wonderful smile, and the way her eyes used to light up everytime I was around, of course there is some differences, for instant the circles under her eyes are getting worse every lifetime.

I start blaming myself for that as well.

Liam is more to blame in this situation then you are. My heart tries to console me.

Yet it was my decision to leave her without even a goodbye.

You know she would have stopped you. You would have been so overwhelmed by your emotions for her that your heart would have took control and you would have kissed her, just like in the meadow, she would be dead right now, if you had not pulled away, if you would have stayed she would be gone again and this time she might not have been coming back like all the times before. You gave her a chance to live a life without pain, confusion, and death. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Don't beat yourself up about it. I repeat to myself.

I drag my feet to my room and look at my empty bed. It will always be empty from now until she remembers again. I frown and rub my hands down my face trying to breathe in deeply before taking my shoes off and laying down on the black silk comforters.

This is hurting you more then it is hurting her. Granted she will wonder where you are when she goes to school, but after time goes by she will stop wondering and move on like you are suppose to do in life. I try to tell myself, give myself reasons why this is a good thing over and over again until I believe it is true. Unfortunately this feels like the worst pep talk ever. If Ash was here I wouldn't need a pep talk I would have what makes me the happiest man in existence in my arms.

I close my eyes and her name brings a smile to my face. I overwhelm myself with memories of her. Ash, energetic and excited about going to the Halloween dance, her first time with a date other than her sister, her dancing with me that night, I skip past the part of Liam finding us, I shake my head away from any thoughts of him, and think of her, now, her attitude I love so much no matter how many lifetimes I have had with her she never loses her will of fight, her smile, her laughter, and most of all her endless, undying, love for me.

I smile and slowly feel myself drifting off, drifting off to a better place one where I don't have to worry about the love of my existence dying in my arms.

I feel the grass beneath my feet and hear the rush of the creek before I open my eyes. The green field is surrounding me with luscious flowers and birds flying in the air above me. I look around and realize I am a lot further than I normally am when I show up in dreamworld hmmm that is weird I normally arrive next to the willow. I hear voices from behind me and quickly turn to see two people. How can there be two people here besides me and Ash..I created this place for me and her. Confusion crosses my face as I look at Ash and the man standing in front of her.