Push (Josh Ramsay)

And you're getting sick

"J-josh r-really?"
"No I'm just faking a heroin addiction. Mabel I seriously fucking mean it when I say I've been there" holy shit
"Oh"
"Oh?"
"I just was hoping you were kidding"
"Me too"
How does such a pretty boy get involved in such an ugly thing?
"Do you still-?"
"Use? No. Though I do still find it tempting. Look. It's awful. It fucked me up. And rehab is hell. I couldn't go 20 minutes without getting sick. I couldn't fucking get out of my bed. But if not for rehab..." he began, but then stopped to lower his volume.  "who knows if I would even be alive right now."
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Unable to form a coherent thought i muttered weakly, "I-I-I never really wanted it"
"Neither did I"
"How long did you?"
"2 years"
"But that means-"
"That I was 15"
"Shit"
"Yeah"
"Yeah"
"Mabel I know it's up to you, but you need to stop"
"I don't really think I have a problem" stop lying to yourself
"Neither did I"
"What happened that made you change your mind?"
"I was given an ultimatum"
"And that was?"
"Rehab or getting kicked out"
"Oh."
"That didn't change my mind though. I just told myself I would go back to it as soon as I got out"
"So why didn't you?"
"In rehab they make you do this thing where you draw a circle that represents you and then you draw all these other circles that are all the drugs you've ever done, and you draw a circle how big each one is for how important it is to you. And then you do a second drawing where you do you and then all the things in your life that are important and how important they are. Then you put them over the top of each other and most addicts'...the drugs are the bigger drawing. With mine, music was bigger than heroin was. I sort of at that moment realised that I couldn't do both" he explained, looking as if he was about to cry.
"Wow"
"Yeah"
"I'm glad you're clean"
"Me too"  he said as a tear rolled down his cheek. I pulled him into a hug, not overtly tight nor overtly loose, just a simple hug to say I care.

Pulling away from the hug I whispered, "Josh"
"Yeah May? He whispered back sweetly.
I need to say it I need to say it
I can't say it I can't say it
Mabel just fucking say it
I can't
I'm fine
No you aren't
"I-I-I-I nee-need" was all I could choke out before erupting into a fit of sobs.
He took me into his arms and whispered in my ear "It's okay to say it"
"I-I need..h-help" I muttered into his hoodie, the words lingering on my tongue like the salt from my tears. My chest burned and my breathing remained shallow, yet oddly enough it felt as if a weight had been lifted. I had been living in denial and secrecy for so long and as difficult and painful as it was to say, it felt almost.. good. Almost.

I then whispered those three words once more, this time to myself.
"I need help"

A/N: This feels pretty rushed as it is made entirely of dialog but it was important.