Push (Josh Ramsay)

And then we started breaking it

Mabel POV

I lifted my heavy eyelids to reveal a blur of bright light. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream so fucking loud. But instead no words were coming out and I couldn't find my breath. Where was I? Was this heaven? I don't even believe in heaven. I rubbed at my eyes trying to focus. Focus. I saw figures leaning over me. People? Doctors? Damn it. Doctors. Why was I alive? I heard muffled sounds and a loud ringing. So loud. Help. HELP ME. I was grasping for words. Nothing would come out. The ringing just got louder and louder. Where was josh? I focused on trying to see and hear the figures around me. Slowly, my vision sharpened and the distorted voices began taking shape. I heard a word that seemed familiar, "Mabel" . I focused my eyes to a splotch of blue to my left. Blue? What was blue? Desperately trying to grasp onto reality, I focused on the voice repeating my name. I found it. Clarity. It was Josh.  "Jo-" I croaked. "Shhh don't strain yourself," his familiar voice rang. He was here.

Josh POV

Four days later, her eyes finally opened. She looked so confused. I kept calling out to her but she didn't even acknowledge my presence. I shot the doctor a worried glance. He ordered all but one nurse out in order to avoid frightening her. "Just keep saying her name softly, she needs to grasp onto something familiar to regain control of her senses" he explained. "She's likely having difficulty interpreting reality after being comatose," he continued. I sat to her left just saying her name softly, watching as she didn't respond. I had no idea what was happening in her mind and that terrified me. After sitting there for what felt like ages, her head turned slightly to face me. I continued to say her name, hoping she would hear me. Then it happened, she began to speak. Her hoarse voice struggled to say my name and her eyebrows furrowed, "Jo-." I can't even describe the feeling, hearing her voice again, it sent shivers down my spine. Softly, I reassured her, tears streaming down my face, "Shh don't strain yourself." Just seconds later her mother arrived, and I was ushered out.  As I left I heard her croak, "Josh." I smiled.

In the waiting room, a nurse came up to me. "You know you saved her life kid." If only she knew. Tears began to stream down my face, I couldn't handle the nurses making me out to be a hero. I'm the one who nearly killed her. I'm the one who left her. She attempted to wrap me in a hug, but I pushed away. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT DON'T YOU GET IT! I LEFT HER. YOU CAN'T THANK ME FOR THAT. " I screamed, falling to the floor sobbing. "This is all my fault. I'm no hero." I cried as she wrapped me in a hug, which I didn't protest. "You can't blame yourself for this." She assured. "Yes I can, even she blamed me" I said, reaching into my pocket. I pulled out a folded up letter and she took it from my hands, stating, "Boy, she's in love with you, don't ever let her go." "I felt it too" I said. "You what?" She questioned. I took a deep breath and began, "The kiss, the energy, everything she talks about, the connection, I felt it all. I'm just not good enough for her, I'm destroying her." She looked around, thought for a second then abruptly asked, "Why are you telling me this?" "I- what? I just-" I stammered, unable to find words. "I mean why are you telling me this, go tell her."

I walked back to her room, to hear my mom talking to her. "He loves you, you know" she said, turning for the door.  Mabel replied weakly, "I love him." At the door she turned and looked at Mabel whispering, "I know" and walked down the hallway. Once she was out of sight, I stumbled in exclaiming, "I felt it too," which earned a confused glance before I continued, "When we kissed, I felt it, the sparks, the energy, all that shit, I felt it too. " She looked at me dryly, "pussy." I turned to walk away, furious. "You know why? You felt it and you ran, it took me laying on a hospital bed after a fucking suicide attempt to tell me you felt it" she began. I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes and I just wanted to wipe them away. "You're right, I was a pussy, I was afraid to admit I was falling in love with you, and I was afraid I was going to hurt you, but I hurt you more by leaving and I'm here to change that Mabel. I love you."

Mabel POV
I looked up at him in disbelief. "I love you" he said again, adding, "This time I'm not afraid to admit it." I desperately wanted to take him back but I'm too damaged for him. He would leave again. "Come here" I demanded. Once he arrived I added, "If I take you back you have to promise not to leave." "I promise, but you have to promise me something as well, this is for both of us" he began. "What is it?" "We don't smoke without each other" I gulped, "I promise, but that means none of this without telling me" I added, pointing to his sleeves, which had ridden up, which earned me a point in return. "Without telling each other" I revised. We exchanged an "I promise" and an "okay" before just sitting in each other's presence.

Josh POV
I broke it.