Push (Josh Ramsay)

You didn't think you'd feel it all

A/N: So because this is all dialog I bolded what Josh said and Parker said.

Fuck this shit.

Parker keeps asking questions about that fucking prick. Parker told Lex, so now she wants to talk about him . Josh's mother wants to talk to me. My mother wants to talk about him. I don't want to talk about Josh, I don't want to talk about heroin, I don't want to talk about anything, I don't want to talk to anyone. 

"Come on Mabel, you forced me to carry some random guy into your house and won't talk about it?!"

"Nope"

"Mabel come on"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

"What the hell Mabel"

"Shut up Parker"

"Not until you fucking tell me why you won't talk about him"

"BECAUSE WE FUCKING HAD A FIGHT AND NOW THAT FUCKING HYPOCRITE WON'T EVEN SPEAK TO ME! HE RUINED MY SHITTY LIFE AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

"Oh mabel.."

"Don't oh mabel me. He ruined me, now I'm feeling it all, every last bit and it's all my fault. "

"But. It's no-"

"But it is."

"Come on mabel. You can't know for sure."

"Yes I can."

*****Flashback*****

"Josh you have to talk to me sooner or later."

"no"

"Why not, I'm not going to fucking judge you."

"What the hell Mabel."

"I'm sorry what"

"You can't just act like we are okay."

"Maybe not, but you still have to talk to me."

"You met me ten days ago, stop acting like you care."

"I do"

"That's why you chose heroin over me?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"That night."

"Which night?"

"The one where you were at the clearing"

"Josh I was there a lot."

"Exactly."

"You're making no sense"

"THAT NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE IN THE PARK AND YOU SAW ME BUT KEPT SMOKING THAT FUCKING HEROIN. IT'S ALWAYS HEROIN THIS, HEROIN THAT, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HEROIN FOR YOU."

"I-"

"NO. DON'T. THEN YOU CAME BACK TO THE PARK FOR HEROIN WHEN YOU FOUND ME. YOU WERE THERE FOR HEROIN. NOT ME. IT NEVER WAS ABOUT ME SO DON'T ACT LIKE YOU FUCKING CARE."

"Josh what the fuck is your problem"

"YOU. YOU ARE MY PROBLEM."

"Calm down and talk to me."

'I'M FUCKING TRYING YOU BITCH"

"Josh."

"NO JUST LET ME EXPLAIN GOD DAMMIT!"

"I am. Just continue."

"I MOVED HERE TO GET AWAY FROM IT. I ALMOST FUCKING DIED IN CANADA DO YOU REALIZE THAT!"

"I-"

"BUT I  GOT CLEAN AND I WAS A GOOD SIX MONTHS CLEAN FROM ALMOST EVERYTHING, THE FUCKING HEROIN, THE BOOZE, THE RAZORS, THE PILLS, EVERYTHING. I LEFT MY HOME AND MOVED MY FAMILY SO I COULD GET BETTER AND THEN YOU BROUGHT IT ALL BACK."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry's not gonna cut it." he finished as he walked out of my life once again.